


Another Love

by MissBoaBoa



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Blood and Gore, Blood and Violence, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Dark Tony Stark, Desperate Tony Stark, Fluff and Angst, Graphic Description, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Masturbation, Mental Health Issues, Mind Manipulation, Obsessive Behavior, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tony Stark Has Issues, Tony Stark needs help, Tony what have you done..., Voyeurism, abduction/imprisonment - I guess, lying, no happy ending, not a happy fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-09-04 22:12:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 16
Words: 35,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16798051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissBoaBoa/pseuds/MissBoaBoa
Summary: The Avengers Initiative has come to an end, leaving Tony Stark alone in what was once the Avengers Compound.Feeling like he lost it all, Tony desperately holds on to the one person who remained by his side.He is grateful and happy.Until another enters the compound, making Tony do whatever it takes to keep the one person by his side he cannot live without.





	1. On Memories and Hope

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone and welcome to this short fic!
> 
> First of all, thank you for trying out this story, it really means a lot to me.  
> I already finished writing this and will upload a chapter every 2 - 3 days :D
> 
> I hope you will enjoy!
> 
> Ps. For those of you who have read "Little Loki's Big Adventure" or "A Tale of the Trickster and the Spider", this fic will be a bit darker and, well, a lot less Fluff, so please keep that in mind!
> 
> pps. There's not a lot of violence, but the parts that are violent are graphic.

**Chapter 1**

**On Memories and Hope**

_Regret was a luxury he could no longer afford._

_Guilt used to be such a cruel mistress_

_And love,_

_Love is a parasite, slowly eating away on your sanity._

_Tony had learned long before this moment._

_He took a deep breath and turned off the machinery that were still softly humming in the background._

_He grabbed his desk chair and sat down, his elbows resting on his knees as his hands were folded. God, he should have stored a bottle of Scotch here in his workroom._

_He sighed and looked at the body that was displayed at his feet._

*

There was an ominous silence lingering in the Avengers Compound as Tony made his way from his workshop to the kitchen. Birds were singing in the large open gardens as crystal white snow fell from the skies. 

Tony looked into the garden through a window, his eyes falling on the snow-covered training grounds. God, he hated the cold and dark days before Christmas. He sighed deeply as a memory played in front of his eyes like an old black and white movie. He saw the shapes of his friends, Natasha and Clint, who were standing at the shooting range, endlessly arguing back and forth on who hit the most targets, making Tony wonder how the two ever became such close friends.

But Natasha was gone, and so was Clint. The archer chose a life with his family, away from all the dangers and uncertainties that came with being an Avenger. Tony could understand. As for Natasha, well, who knew where she was. All Tony knew was that she had left the life of a spy behind her after S.H.I.E.L.D. had announced its resignment. 

He looked up at the sky, staring at grey clouds which, in his mind, ebbed away to show a bright blue atmosphere. Vision, Rhodey and Sam were hovering mid-air, waiting for Wanda to give them the signal to start their aerial race. Of course, Vision would come in first, but it was never an easy win. Falcon would come in second, only by mere seconds. Rhodey came in third, after which he would always complain to Tony, telling him that War Machine’s rocket boots were in desperate need of an upgrade. The playboy explaining to him, again, that the suit was more like a flying tank than a fast military aircraft. 

Vision and Wanda had decided to start a life, together. They were now residing in a small town at the outskirts of the Sokovian capital, not too far from the cemetery where Pietro Maximoff was buried. Wanda seemed happy, at ease.  
As for Rhodey and Sam, they each got their own apartment in Brooklyn. They started working for the United States Department of Veterans Affairs, helping any of their fellow veterans who were suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder.

Grey skies came back to Tony’s vision again as the memories faded. He shook his head and continued his way to the kitchen to get himself a much-needed cup of coffee. He looked up at the kitchen table as he entered the designated room, finding it completely empty. Normally, he would smile at Peter, who was sitting there, headphones blocking all other noises as he was concentrated on his homework. He could hear Thor and Bruce, standing in front of the refrigerator, amazing each other over the differences in cuisine between Asgard and Earth. Thor claiming that fish and meat go perfectly well together as long as there was a large glass of Asgardian liquor to chug it down. Bruce would beg the differ, saying that it should be either meat _or_ fish, not both, though he reluctantly admitted that with a good BBQ, both _could_ be eaten at the same time, leaving Thor to laugh in victory. 

Tony has lost count on how many times these puny arguments had kept him from his work. He would curse under his breath or plainly shout at them, each time the two would come to him to settle another disagreement. What he wouldn’t give to hear them raise their voices again. 

But Bruce had disappeared, telling the remaining Avengers something about going to India, making everyone raise a questioning brow as he left right after Natasha. For as far as Tony knew, the two could be relaxing at the Bahama’s right now, their toes digging into warm sand while the sound of the calming waves of the ocean filled the air. And why shouldn’t they… 

Thor had gone back to Asgard, something about finding a suitable heir to the throne… or it had something to do with Loki, or both, he couldn’t really remember. As for Peter, he got enlisted into the greatest school for technicity. It came as no surprise to the playboy that the teen managed to get in all by himself. After all, he was very smart, inventive, and extremely curious. Tony could not be more proud of him. 

Tony almost smiled as all the memories started to come back. 

Almost. 

He placed a small delicate glass on the grit of the coffee machine, selecting a Double Espresso as he absentmindedly listened to the slow ticking of the clock on the wall. He used to manage just fine, living on his own. He used to go to fancy parties and drink till he barely knew his own name. He would work, his company being his precious, and only, child. But now, now he felt like he had lost it all. The Avenger Initiative was over and so was S.H.I.E.L.D. This was what they had been fighting for all those years, to finally end the war against higher powers and secure Earth’s safety.

_“There was an idea”_

God, it sounded like the beginning of a very bad fairy tale.

_“To bring together a group of remarkable people”_

Yeah, “remarkable”, that was one way to describe them…

_“To see if we could become something more”_

The volatile and self-obsessed Tony Stark becoming a team-player. It sure was a risky move, Fury…

_“So when they needed us, we could fight the battles”_

Oh, how they have fought, how they have recklessly risked their lives in every battle.

_“that they never could.”_

And now _they_ had no need for them anymore…

Tony took a sip from his piping hot drink, not even noticing how it burned his tongue. He leaned against the counter top for a moment, wondering when it was last that he had felt this miserable, or better yet, this useless. His friends were all doing fine without him, the entire world was doing fine without him.

With a frustrated sigh, he threw away the coffee in the sink and reached for the cabinet above. He pulled out a bottle of expensive scotch and placed it at his lips, not even bothering to grab a glass anymore.

Here is to old times, to being a single player again.

A heavy sound coming from outside stopped Tony from tilting the bottle. He focused for a second, trying to grasp what made such a loud noise, a smile finally forming on his face as he realized what it was. 

‘About damn time,’ he smirked as he placed the bottle back in the cabinet and started to walk towards the front-door. He peeked outside through passing windows, his smile only widening as he saw the familiar Harley-Davidson motorcycle on the driveway. Its wheels covered in snow. 

‘Cap.’ 

‘Tony,’ Steve smiled as he hanged his jacket on the coat rack. ‘Missed me so much that you kept waiting by the door?’ 

‘Like a good dog,’ Tony let out a scoffing snort as he crossed his arms. ‘Really though, don’t flatter yourself like that, Rogers. I was just on my way to the kitchen to get some coffee, you want some?’ 

‘Coffee would be great, thanks.’ The blond chuckled, hanging his ocean blue scarf, which matched his eyes so perfectly, next to his coat. He blew in his cold hands, trying to warm his fingers.

‘Forgot your gloves again?’ Tony asked as he looked at the other man’s white knuckles.

‘As always,’ Steve admitted, his cheeks coloring in a light pink blush, making Tony wonder whether that was because of the cold or the slight embarrassment. 

‘You’re an idiot, Rogers.’ A one-sided smile formed on Tony’s face as he wrapped his hands around those of the blond. He knew Steve did not cope well with cold, not for long anyway. The captain would always put on a brave face during missions, just like he did during their search for Loki’s scepter in Sokovia, but Tony knew better. Steve had told him a couple of years ago. The two of them were walking in the gardens, a cold breeze shifted through the air, causing Steve to fall quiet and huddle deep within the collar of his jacket, his hands buried in its pockets.

Trying to get the captain to smile again, Tony playfully jumped onto the frozen pond, pulling the blond along with him. It was at that moment that Tony saw true panic reflecting in the man’s azure eyes. Once inside the warmth of the Avengers Compound, Steve admitted how he was terrified, how the cold constantly reminded him of the moment his plane crashed into subzero waters and consumed his body in an unforgiving and freezing darkness. How he could not move, how he could not breath. How he suffocated, slowly feeling the lack of air burning his lungs. 

‘Tony?’ 

… 

‘Tony?’ 

The playboy looked up as Steve’s gentle voice pulled him from his thoughts. ‘Hm?’

‘You can let go now,’ the blond smiled gratefully, gesturing to their still intertwined hands. ‘I think they warmed up quite a bit, thanks.'

‘Oh, yeah, sure,’ Tony quickly let go of the hands, leading the way towards the kitchen. 

He was grateful. So very grateful. All the Avengers had left the compound, all his friends had started to live lives of their own. All of them had left him, one after the other, except for one… 

Steven Grant Rogers remained in the compound, staying by Tony’s side. Whether it was because he had no intention to leave him or because he simply had no money to move on his own, Tony did not know. What he did know however was that he was glad to have the man by his side, making himself believe that the blond stayed just for him. As long as Steve was with him, as long as the man who he had come to love so dearly remained by his side, Tony just knew he would be fine. Somehow. 

He was so very grateful, except for one thing…

‘Bucky’s place really is a mess right now,’ Steve sighed as he sat down on the white leather couch, ‘there really is nothing left of his kitchen, that fire burned down everything.’

‘I see,’ Tony managed to respond as casual as possible, handing the man his coffee and sitting down next to him. ‘Tell me again, what kind of cooking causes a kitchen to explode? I mean, I know I’m no Gordon Ramsay myself, but…’

'Well, you know how he lives in that really old apartment, right?’ 

‘You call that oversized closet an apartment?’ 

Steve shook his head with a chuckle and continued, ‘Turns out the gas pipelines were no good. They were leaking, the cold brought in tiny little cracks until they nearly exploded. Well, that’s basically what happened, Buck tried to turn on the stove and, well, now the entire kitchen is gone.’ 

‘And you thought it was a good idea to spend the night at his place with all that gas leaking out? You really are an idiot.’ Tony said jokingly, though a hint of sincere worry shot through his eyes. He then took a deep breath and calmly took a sip of his coffee. He saw from the corner of his eye how Steve had shifted in his seat to turn towards him, the blond’s warm fingers now slightly fiddling. Tony raised a suspicious brow. 

‘Yeah, well, can’t leave him there alone, right? Especially now.’ Steve smiled somewhat. ‘Listen, Tony, there’s something I want to ask you…’

‘I’m all ears.’ The playboy said casually as he let himself fall deeper into the soft pillows of the couch, though he could not help an unsettling feeling to brew in his stomach. 

‘Well,’ Steve started, ‘the homeowners association came to Bucky’s place yesterday morning to inspect what was left of the kitchen and the pipelines and… well, he won’t be able to cook for at least three weeks, and he isn’t allowed to use gas in any way so he can’t use his heating or take a warm shower and, I was just wondering, since we have more than enough space here…’ Steve stopped and looked the playboy in the eye, ‘he didn’t ask for it himself, he said he didn’t need help, that he would be okay, but I really think he needs somewhere to stay, especially now that temperatures drop below zero, even during daytime. He said he would be fine, that it was just like being in the army again, but I really thi-’

‘Cap,’ Tony interrupted the rambling man. ‘Are you trying to ask me if it’s okay for Barnes to live here for the time being? Is that it?’ 

‘… Yeah,’ Steve nodded and let out a deep sigh. ‘I know thinks are… a little tense between the two of you, after all that happened. The Sokovia accord, the Winter Solder, that he was brainwashed to murder…’ Steve quickly shut his mouth, noticing how Tony had fallen completely silent and was just staring ahead of him, eyes empty. ‘Tony…’ the blond sighed, after which he quickly shook his head. ‘Never mind, I’ll just look for a hotel for him to stay, he can-’ 

‘It’s okay, Rogers,’ Tony suddenly said, a smile now on his face again. ‘For Barnes to stay here, I don’t mind.’ 

‘You really don’t…?’ Steve asked carefully, hardly believing the playboy’s words. 

Tony looked into the captain’s deep-blue eyes which were tainted with worry. He looked at the slightly ruffled blond hair, wanting to let his fingers amiably play through it. He lowered his gaze, staring at the soft lips which were ever so slightly apart, wanting to… 

Tony quickly blinked his eyes, focusing them on the mug of coffee in his hands. 

Of all the people of his past to come live in the Compound, it just had to be James Buchanan Barnes. God, he hated him, _loathed_ him. But he also knew that Steve loved him. He knew damn well that if Barnes would not come to them, Steve would make sure he would go to Bucky. After all, they would be with each other to the end of the line… 

‘I don’t mind, Rogers,’ Tony managed to conjure a smile. ‘just because he’s named “Winter Soldier” does not mean he has to live like a caveman during the Ice Age, right?’ 

Steve blinked at his friend for a few seconds, a bright smile following as the words finally hit him. ‘Thanks, Tony!’ he placed his empty mug on the coffee table and wrapped his arms around the playboy’s neck. ‘Thank you so much, you won’t regret it, I promise!’ 

Tony froze for a second as he felt the man’s strong body pressed against his own. Steve was surprisingly gentle, the warmth coming from his skin now penetrating through Tony’s own clothing. He wrapped one arm around the blond’s waist, inhaling his familiar scent. It was so warm, so comforting, so utterly Steve. ‘Of course, Rogers, anything for you,’ his smile than disappeared, ‘and your boyfriend…’


	2. My One and Only

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> First of all, sorry for the late update. It's really close to the Holidays here (Sinterklaas on 5 December) so, of course, I had my family and family in law visiting this weekend.  
> It was fun, it was nice, and now everyone is stressing out again for Christmas XD
> 
> ANYWAY!
> 
> Without any further ado, here's chapter 2! Hope you guys will enjoy it! :D

Tony looked at the large whiteboard in front of him while chewing on the end of the red marker in his hand. He checked al his calculations, just to be sure. He wrote down some extra notes, erased some others and then turned around, facing the latest invention he was working on. 

‘Hey J, be a good pall and check for any errors or faults.’ Tony said as he walked a circle around his new toy, which looked an awful lot like an electric chair. 

‘As you wish, sir,’ J.A.R.V.I.S. replied, visualizing all kinds of numbers and statistics in mid-air for Tony to inspect. ‘I detect no errors. The device seems to be in perfect functioning condition.’ 

‘Of course it is, I made it.’ Tony joked, though his expression remained concentrated as he swiped through the data. 

‘Might I however give you one word of precaution, sir?’ The artificial voice continued without being asked, making Tony twitch an eye. ‘I highly advice _against_ the use of this device. My calculations suggest that Captain Rogers would-’ 

‘Cap won’t notice a thing, Jarv,’ Tony snarled, hushing the AI. ‘plus, this is for his own good. He will understand that, eventually.’ 

A short silence followed before J.A.R.V.I.S. spoke again. ‘Of course, sir.’ 

‘You just make sure no one can get into the recordings. If you manage to do that, no one will know about what goes on around here, and it will be our little secret.’ Tony walked towards the door, only to turn around one last time before making his way to the common room. His expression was dark, the black circles under his eyes in great contrast to his skin as cold tubular lighting illuminated his workshop. ‘I’m serious, J. Make sure that from now on all recordings will be classified as top secret. No one will get to see them except me, understood?’ 

‘Certainly, sir.’ 

With lethargic steps, Tony made his way through the large hallways towards the common room. His mind drifting from one thought to the next. 

Bucky had been living in the Compound for almost two weeks now. At first, he slept in what used to be Peter’s room, considering it was next to Steve’s, but that did not last for long. After three days of sleeping apart, Steve suggested his boyfriend to come sleep with him and, of course, Bucky was happy to accept that offer. 

After that, the two seemed to become inseparable. They trained together, ate together, and Tony could swear he even heard them shower together a couple of days ago. It was Steve, gentle loving and kind Steve, who managed to make the soldier feel like he was at home. It was Barnes, sly insufferable and arrogant Barnes, who took advantage of the good captain, and seemed to try to steal him away from Tony.

The playboy gritted his teeth, his soft brown eyes now staring in front of him in a sharp glance. Bucky and Steve were in a relationship for almost a year now and Tony was able to make himself come to peace with that. Unable to afford anything better, Bucky lived in an old run-down apartment across town. Considering all the trouble he caused during the Sokovia accord, no one dared to suggest for the man to come live in the Avengers Compound, so _if_ the two would meet, they would always do so at the Winter Soldier’s apartment. 

Steve visited Bucky each time he would get the chance, so the playboy used to make sure he scheduled the Captain for each and every mission that S.H.I.E.L.D. had to offer. They worked together, fought together, watching each other’s back as they risked their lives. 

But on Steve’s days off he would disappear, and Tony knew he was going to stay at his boyfriend’s place. Tony was not stupid, he knew what the two would do there, but the fact that he could not actually see the one he held so dear in the arms of another made the captain’s leave slightly more bearable. 

Now, however, everything was different.

Tony heard Steve chuckle whenever Bucky whispered something in his ear. 

Tony shuddered each time he saw the soldier’s cold mechanic fingers trail the captain’s skin in affection.

Tony’s heart crumbled piece by piece each time he saw _his_ loved one in the arms of a murderer. 

Steve was to just too kind, too naïve, to realize the monster lurking underneath the soldier’s oh-so gentle appearance, or so Tony concluded. But he was not so easily fooled however, and he would make sure to protect the one person he cannot live without, one way or another. 

‘Oh, there you are.’ 

Being pulled from his train of thoughts by the one voice he could not stand, Tony looked up, meeting the deep brown eyes of Bucky who was sitting at the kitchen table, eating a pizza. 

‘You were looking for me,’ Tony grumbled, waiting impatiently for the soldier to continue. 

‘Uh, yeah, I ordered a pizza and wanted to ask if you wanted one as well.’ Bucky gestured at the empty plate next to him, a closed pizza box placed next to it. ‘I tried knocking on the door of your workplace, but your computer told me you didn’t wanted to be disturbed, so I just ordered you a pizza with prosciutto and mushrooms. Thought it might be your taste.’ 

‘Not hungry,’ Tony replied as he grabbed a small glass from the cabinet, filling it to the brim with liquor. ‘So, how are the repairs at your place going?’ 

‘Slow,’ Bucky scoffed, taking another bite from his pizza. ‘Listen, Tony, about me living here, I just really want to thank you f-’ he started, but as he saw the playboy’s weary eyes on him he quickly swallowed down the bite he just took and changed the subject. ‘You okay? I haven’t seen you ever since Steve went to visit Clint two days ago.’

‘I’m perfectly fine,’ Tony managed to smile after which he downed his drink in one big gulp, his eyes then focusing back on the assassin. ‘So listen, Barnes, I just received a call from T’Challa,’ Tony lied, gaining the soldier’s full attention. 

‘Really?’ Bucky frowned. ‘Why? What did he say?’ 

‘Oh, nothing much. He just asked me to run some tests… on you.’ Tony said casually but as he saw Bucky stare back at him in complete confusion, he continued. ‘He helped you with stabilizing that mess that was your brain, right? Well, he just wants to make sure you’re still doing okay.’ 

‘Oh,’ was the only thing Bucky could come up with to say after blinking his eyes a couple of times. ‘But… I’m feeling fine. I haven’t had any problems ever since my stay in Wakanda.’ 

‘And that’s just great,’ Tony smiled, gesturing Bucky to follow him. ‘And we want to keep it that way, right? So let’s just do a few tests, send the results to Wakanda and everyone will be able to sleep again at night.’ 

‘Uhm, yeah, sure, no problem.’ Bucky stood up and followed Tony into his workplace. He slightly squinted his eyes as he had to adjust to the bright fluorescent light. 

‘Here, take a seat,’ Tony gestured towards the mechanic chair in the middle of the room with a carefree wave of his hand and walked over to the computer attached to it. 

Bucky stood still for a second, his eyes nervously darting from the playboy to his newly created device. With a deep breath, he took a step forward, carefully sitting down like he was told to. ‘So, how does this work, exactly?’ he asked as his chest started to heave slightly. He felt the cold iron in the palm of his hands, causing a shiver to run down his spine. His fingers traced the line where metal was welded together as he tried to remain a steady breathing. Finally, he looked up, his eyes falling on what seemed like a helmet hanging slightly above his head. He gulped, the entire scenario bringing back unwanted memories he had tried so hard to suppress. 

‘You just sit still and let technology do the work. It’ll all be over before you know it.’ Tony looked up, a delighted smile forming on his face as he saw the soldier slightly adjusting himself in the seat, his hands nervously clasped around the arm rests. 

Tony pressed a few buttons, causing the computer to start up with a loud humming noise. He walked over to Bucky and lowered the helmet that hovered above the soldier’s head. ‘J, tell me how we’re doing.’ 

‘All systems functioning, sir.’ The mechanical voice sounded as the room brightened up with the soldier’s statistics displayed in mid-air. ‘Heartbeat; 163 and increasing. Cortisol levels; 617 nmol/l and increasing. Temperature is 37.3o C and steady. Neurologic system attached and activated. All codes green.’ 

‘Good,’ Tony nodded, his smile increasing as he saw a hint of fear gleaming in the soldier’s eyes. He excitedly walked back to his computer, ‘Don’t worry,’ he mumbled under his breath, pushing one last button. ‘This will only hurt a lot.’

Iron straps expanded from the legs and armrests of the chair, holding the soldier in a tight grip by his wrists and ankles. Before Bucky could even grasps what was happening, a sharp pain shot through him like lightning and he screamed. 

Tony remained in the shadows of his workshop, watching the soldier’s entire body convulse in agony. It was only when a loud hiss came from the chair that he took a step forward. Bucky was trembling in his seat, his skin covered in a thin layer of cold sweat. Tears formed in his eyes as his chest heaved, leaving him gasping for air. 

‘So… did it work?’ Tony asked nervously. ‘Come on, Barnes. Speak to me. And stop giving me that thousand-yard-stare, it’s creeping me out.’ 

‘Я готов отвечать,’ Bucky mumbled, his voice low and hoarse from screaming. 

‘Uh, yeah, I have no idea what that means.’ Tony remarked as he crossed his arms, ‘I would prefer an English manual.’ 

‘Ready to comply,’ Bucky repeated softly. 

A wide smile formed on Tony’s face, ‘Now _that’s_ what I wanted to hear.’ He grabbed a chair and sat down in front of the soldier, irritation tensing every muscle in his body as Bucky seemed to stare right through him. ‘Listen, Barnes, I’ll be honest with you. This whole thing that’s going on between you and Steve,’ Tony paused for a moment, staring at Bucky as if to wait for a reply. ‘I’m not a big fan.’ The playboy stood up, casually walking back and forth through his workshop.

Tony looked at his subject from the corner of his eye as Bucky remained completely silent. ‘It seems like you are having a lot of fun at my expense lately,’ he grabbed a silver watch from his desk, hesitated for a moment, but then smoothly slid it on his wrist. ‘You almost tore the team apart, you know that? The Sokovia Accords, you played a very big part in that.’ He stood close to Bucky, only a few inches of thin air separating the two. ‘Steve almost went to jail because of you.’ He whispered, his voice dark and threatening. ‘Agent Ross wanted him locked up for helping the psycho killer who murdered the King of Wakanda. If it wasn’t for me, he would be in a cell right now and that would be all on you.’ A silence lingered as Tony glared at the hollow eyes in front of him and he whispered; ‘What do you have to say to that, huh?’ He impatiently slammed his hands against the back of the chair right next to Bucky’s face, causing the man’s eyes to shoot up at him. ‘Answer me!’ 

‘…I love Steve,’ a weary and hardly recognizable voice came from the soldier’s throat. ‘I never meant to-’ 

‘Bullshit!’ Tony shouted. He tapped twice on the watch around his wrist, causing it to expand into the iconic red and golden glove of the Iron Man suit. Tony gritted his teeth and punched the soldier in his stomach with all his strength, knocking the air straight out of the man’s lungs. ‘You don’t love Steve like I do! You don’t care for him like I do!’ he punched again, and again, only stopping as he saw small drops of ruby red liquid staining the white sleeve of his shirt. He stood still for a moment, looking down at the soldier who was couching blood. ‘You don’t love him like I do.’ 

‘And yet,’ Bucky spoke, his mouth slightly ajar as the foul taste of copper lingered in his mouth. ‘He choose me.’ He looked up, staring straight into the playboy’s face, a small glimmer shining in his dull and empty eyes. 

Tony’s eye twitched as his hands clasped into tight fists. He took a threatening step forward and pulled the man to his feet by the collar of his shirt, his arm raised, ready to circle those eyes in black. 

‘Sir,’ a mechanical voice stopped Tony just before the iron of his glove was going to collide with the soldier’s pale skin. ‘Captain Rogers has returned from his visit from the Barton family. He is asking for you and Sergeant Barnes.’ 

‘… Thanks, J,’ Tony’s eyes remained on Bucky. ‘You listen very carefully, soldier,’ his voice was dark, echoing in a intimidating whisper, ‘you keep your distance from Steve or I will smash that head of yours into the wall till you won’t even remember how to breath.’ 

With this threat, this promise, Tony pushed Bucky back into his chair, making sure to place the helmet back on tightly. ‘Jarv, make sure this will all be lingering in the far back of his subconsciousness. No clear memories.’ Tony walked out of his workspace, the horrific screams of the soldier falling completely silent as the mechanical door closed behind him. 

‘Hey Tony,’ Steve smiled as he saw the playboy entering the common room. ‘Busy in your workshop as usual?’

‘You know it,’ Tony smiled brightly and raised his arm, showing the red and golden glove which was still on his hand. He tapped the wrist part twice, at which the machinery smoothly retracted. ‘Been working on this baby for a week now, but I’d say it’s about finished.’ 

‘Impressive,’ Steve chuckled, causing Tony to smile as he stared into the man’s deep blue eyes. ‘Oh, Clint said he wanted to visit us sometime soon, also he-’ Steve then tilted his head a little. He stood up from his place on the couch and gently grabbed his friend’s hand in his own. 

Tony’s heart skipped a beat. He blinked his eyes, his body tensing up as the captain seemed to scan his arm. His hands were warm and gentle, his skin so soft. ‘What is it, Rogers? Don’t like my shirt?’ he managed to joke after clearing his throat. 

‘No, Tony, I just wondered,’ Steve traced the man’s arm with the tip of his fingers, his hands stopping at the blood staining the white fabric. ‘What happened?’

‘Oh, this?’ Tony flinched but managed to let out a scoffing snort. ‘You know me, I can get a little too enthusiastic with my toys.’ He then looked into the kitchen, spotting the two pizza boxes on the table. ‘You hungry?’

Steve held on to Tony’s hand for a moment longer, scanning his skin for any serious injuries, but as he found none, he let out a relieved sigh. ‘I guess I could eat,’ he followed his friend into the kitchen. ‘Though I can’t shake the feeling that it will be the last thing I’ll do if it is something _you_ cooked.’

‘Hey, that would be one honorable death,’ Tony sassed, gesturing Steve to take a seat at the table. ‘Well, don’t worry. I didn’t feel like cooking tonight, so I ordered Pizza.’ 

‘Sounds great,’ Steve smiled, but his gaze soon drifted towards the kitchen entrance. 

‘Something wrong, cap?’ Tony asked as he took a bite from the pizza that used to belong to the Winter Soldier, relieved to find it still warm. 

‘Well, I thought I’d wait for Buck, but I don’t know where he is.’ The captain pulled an old-fashioned phone from the pocket of his pants and flipped it open. ‘I sent him a couple of texts but he still hasn’t replied…’ 

‘Oh, don’t worry about Barnes, he told me he’d go out for tonight, won’t be back till late.’ Tony quickly grabbed two wine glasses from the cabinet, pouring the blond his favorite drink. ‘Here,’ he said as he handed one over. 

‘Thanks,’ Steve let the glass rest on his lips and closed his eyes, smelling the sweet aroma coming from the beverage. He might not be able to enjoy the effects of alcohol anymore, but he could still relish the flavor. 

‘Here’s to us, Steve,’ Tony smiled as he held up his glass, enjoying their alone-time to the fullest. 

Steve stared at him for a moment but eventually raised his glass with a chuckle. ‘To us.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it for this chapter! Hope you guys enjoyed it :D
> 
> See you again in 2 days!


	3. Deceived Happiness

Steve turned in his bed with a deep sigh. He looked at the small digital clock at his bedside table, the bright red numbers indicating that it was already 01.21. He let his hand slide over the other half of his bed, finding it completely empty. The captain reached out for his phone and flipped it open, hoping that his boyfriend had at least sent him a text on where he was or when he would be back. Steve grumbled softly as he saw that he had no missed calls or unopened messages, just like five minutes ago. He placed the phone back in its charging station and turned to his back, wondering where his Sergeant could be and if he was okay.

Steve nearly jumped out of his bed as he heard a soft creaking noise coming from his door. It opened slowly, revealing the silhouette of a man. The blond let out a sigh in relief as he recognized those familiar lines. ‘Bucky?’

His voice clearly startled the figure as it froze for a second. ‘Steve,’ the soldier spoke softly, he sounded weary. ‘Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you up.’

The captain searched for the switch on his nightstand lamp, a warm light illuminated half the room, making both man squint slightly. ‘You didn’t wake me up,’ Steve saw a gentle smile forming on Bucky’s face, ‘you _kept_ me up,’ he continued, the man’s smile directly fading. ‘Where have you been? Why didn’t you respond to my texts?’

‘Texts?’ Bucky pulled out his phone, only now noticing all the missed calls and messages the captain had left him. ‘I, I don’t know… I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to keep you up all night.’

‘What do you mean “you don’t know?”’ Steve waited for an explanation, but as his lover remained silent, he let out a sigh and rubbed the back of his neck. ‘…Well, the important thing is that you’re back.’ He smiled, scooting over so that the soldier could lie down next to him.

Bucky sat down on the edge of the bed, his back towards Steve. ‘I-I think I’m gonna sleep in my own bed tonight, Steve,’ he gently wrapped an arm across his stomach, hissing softly as the cold metal of his hand came into contact with the heavily bruised skin underneath his shirt.

Steve noticed how Bucky struggled to take a deep breath and gently placed a hand on his back. ‘But… why would you sleep alone? Buck, are you okay? You don’t look so good.’ He sat up behind the man, now noticing how a thin layer of sweat glistened on his skin. ‘… What happened?’ he asked softly, his brows knitted with worry.

‘I’m fine, it’s just,’ The soldier remained silent for a moment as he tried to trace back his steps. ‘… I ordered pizza tonight, must have been something wrong with it.’

‘I see,’ the blond gently trailed the man’s back, the tip of his fingers following the fine lines of strong muscles underneath soft skin. He frowned as he felt a violent shudder run down Bucky’s spine, his muscles tense underneath his touch. ‘Maybe you should just take a quick shower and come to bed. I bet you’ll feel better after a good night’s sleep.’ Steve wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s waist, wanting to press a loving kiss in his neck but Bucky jumped up from the bed the moment Steve enclosed him in his arms.

They stared at each other, both equally confused.

‘Bucky…?’

‘I’m sorry,’ was the only thing Bucky could utter as he tried to understand his own actions. His heart was racing as blue eyes gazed at him, his stomach turning at the thought of Steve’s touch on his body. ‘I-I’m really sorry. I’m gonna sleep in my own room. ‘Night.’ And before the captain could give him any form of response, the soldier marched out of the room, disappearing into the dark hallway.

After a long night without sleep, Steve went into the kitchen for breakfast the next morning. He chuckled softly as he saw his boyfriend standing in front of the high-tech coffee machine, still trying to figure out how the damn device worked. ‘It’s the green button in the right corner,’ Steve said, causing the soldier to look up in surprise. The blond smiled as he walked towards him. ‘It took me a while to figure it out, but Tony was kind enough to help me.’ With a few presses on the touchscreen, Steve managed to pour Bucky some coffee. He leaned forward, wanting to kiss the soldier on his lips, he froze however as the man took a startled step back. ‘…S-so, did you sleep well?’ Steve asked, making himself believe he just imagined it. ‘Feeling any better?’

Bucky stared at the man in front of him, his heart torn at the hurt that was clearly visible in his lover’s eyes. He wanted nothing more but to let himself fall into the captain’s arms. He wanted to hold him, to kiss him. He wanted to tell him how much he loved him, that he never meant to make him worry or push him away. The words burned in his chest but could not pass his throat. What was happening to him? Why did he feel so unease, why was there a voice constantly whispering at him to turn away from Steve and never look back? Why did this all feel so very familiar, to lose himself, to become a complete stranger to his own body and mind. Bucky swallowed tensely, memories he had hoped never to relive again stirring in his brain.

‘Buck?’ Steve’s voice was steady though a hint of apprehension was clearly audible. He placed his hands on the soldier’s cheeks, his thumb carefully wiping away a tear that had formed in the man’s eye without him even noticing. ‘What’s wrong?’

Bucky froze under the captain’s touch. He placed a hand on his stomach, swallowing down some bile that had threatened to leave his mouth. ‘I have to go,’ he eventually said, taking an unsteady step aside so he could pass Steve.

‘Hey, wait,’ the blond grabbed him by his wrist. ‘Bucky, talk to me, please. You’ve been acting… weird. What’s going on?’

‘Nothing,’ Bucky tried to free his wrists from the captain’s grip, the creeping voice in the far back of his mind screeching at him to run as far away from Steve as he could. A sharp pain coming from his stomach caused a hot wave to flash through his body. He grabbed the sore spot with his free hand, wondering what he had done that was causing him so much pain.

‘Don’t “nothing” me,’ Steve’s hold on the man grew stronger, an all too familiar anxiety stirring in the pit of his stomach. He did not want to let go. He did not dare to let go. The fear of losing the man, again, brought tears to his eyes. ‘Buck, please, just talk to me.’

‘Let go of me, Steve.’

‘No,’ the blond stated determinately. He took a step forward and gently placed his hand on Bucky’s cheek. ‘I’m just trying to understand what’s going on. Ever since I came back from Clint, you’ve been acting differently. Is it because of me? Did I do s-’

Before Steve could finish his sentence, Bucky punched him just underneath his ribcage with all his might. He heard the captain wheeze, the air forcefully knocked out of his longs as he fell to his knees. Bucky held his breath in shock as he swore he heard on of the man’s ribs being torn from his sternum.

He stared, his wrist now freed from the captain’s grip, leaving the blond to gasp for air and stare at him in confusion. Icy blue eyes pleading for explanation.

Bucky swallowed thickly, his eyes darting from left to right, looking anywhere just to avoid that desperate gaze. Without another word, he turned around and walked out of the kitchen. He grabbed his coat, walked out the front door and disappeared into a haze of snow.

Steve flinched as the door slammed shut. He stared for a moment, trying to contemplate what had just happened. He managed to get back on his feet, hissing loudly as a sharp pain shot through his body. A part of him wanted to run after his lover, to wrap his arms around him and hold him tight. To beg him to stay here… But there was something that kept his body from moving. A heavy feeling, concocted from despair and confusion, kept his feet nailed to the ground. He eventually managed to walk to the common room, let himself fall on the couch with a deep sigh and buried his face in his hands.

_'Oh the storm outside is frightful,_

_But the booze is so delightful._

_And as long as you love me so,_

_Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow~!'_

Steve looked up with a deep frown, searching where the sudden singing was coming from, well, if you could call it singing that is. His eyes grew wide in surprise as Tony stood next to him wearing his expansive winter coat, a bottle of luxurious champagne in hand. ‘You went to the store?’ the captain asked in disbelief, ignoring the sharp pain in his chest. 

‘Yep, there was a sale on top-shelf booze, so…’ the playboy chuckled as he threw his coat in an empty chair, continuing to hum the Christmas song as he did so. He let himself fall next to the Captain with a deep sigh and noticed the man’s questioning stare. ‘Sorry, sorry. It’s these damn Christmas songs, they’re freaking everywhere. It’s driving me insane. I got attacked by this overenthusiastic group of carolers when I tried to go to the liquor store, they came out of nowhere, it was crazy.’ He laughed.

Steve did not give a reply, his mind having strayed from Tony’s story the moment the man sat down next to him.

Tony frowned, noticing his friend’s absentminded stare. ‘What’s up, Cap?’ His expression suddenly turned more serious as he heard the freezing wind howling through the trees outside. ‘Is it the weather? You know we could just hang on the couch and watch some bad movies together for the rest of the day, right? Maybe that will keep you distracted from the cold.’

‘No, it’s not that.’ Steve sighed, knowing this was not completely true. He did his best to suppress the memories of the plane crash, swallowing before opening his mouth again. ‘Tony… can I ask you something?’

‘Sure, anything.’

‘Did Bucky,’ Steve started reluctantly, hating himself for even thinking the question, hating himself even more for actually asking it. ‘Did he tell you where he went last night? I-I mean, he doesn’t want to tell me so, obviously, he does not want me to know, but…’

‘Nope, he just told me he’d be out till late and that the two of us shouldn’t wait up.’ Tony then chuckled. ‘You know, it’s a good thing that the two of you are doing so good. If it were me, I would get suspicious, think he would have a secret lover or something.’ Tony noticed how Steve tensed completely at these last words. ‘But then again, I just might be the jealous type.’ Tony shrugged as he looked at the captain with a smile, but as he noticed the pained look on his friend’s face, he ignorantly frowned. ‘You two _are_ good, right?’ he asked innocently, as if he was completely surprised to hear anything that would prove differently.

‘I, I don’t know…’ Steve admitted. ‘He’s been acting weird. He’s avoiding me and he won’t tell me where he was last night. He won’t talk to me at all…’ He carefully placed his hand on his ribcage. ‘And now he’s somewhere outside in this freezing storm going god knows where and I just don’t know what to do…’

Tony remained silent for a moment, fighting against a bright smile which threatened to form on his face. ‘I see,’ he placed a hand on the blond’s shoulder, his thumb softly massaging the man’s tensed muscled. Although he felt happy to witness the first cracks in this seemingly perfect relationship first-hand, he did feel truly sorry for the captain’s concern and despair. The playboy smiled at him affectionately, reminding himself that this would all be for the better. Soon, it would just be him and Steve again, and he would give the blond everything he could ever ask for. Undivided attention, never-ending love, and money in amounts the Winter Soldier could not even dream of giving to him. ‘I’m sure he’ll be back soon, Cap. Maybe he’s just… under the weather. Tough guys like the two of you can get sick as well you know?’ he then looked at the captain’s strong body, ‘Okay, maybe not you. But you’ve got that Super Soldier Serum running through your veins and I’d say that would be cheating.’

With this remark, Tony managed to finally bring a smile to Steve’s face again. It was a small one, but Tony counted it as a victory. ‘Yeah, maybe,’ Steve said as he straightened his back. ‘I think I’m gonna go after him.’

‘Or,’ Tony started quickly, gently placing a hand on that of the captain to keep him from standing up. ‘Or you could give him some space. He’ll come back, Rogers. He always does. Cause after all, he’ll be with you to the end of the line, right?’

‘…You’re right.’ Steve’s worried expression slowly softened, a smile showing on his face formed out of pure gratitude. ‘Thank you, Tony.’ He let himself fall against the back of the couch, his head resting on a white cushion.

Tony looked at the man at his side, feeling his warmth coming from his body and seeping through his own clothes as their arms slightly touched.

He dared to place his head on the other’s shoulder, tensely waiting for any form of response, but as Steve did not say a thing, he smiled and let himself slumber against the captain’s strong body.

He was happy.

So very happy.


	4. A Soldier's Call

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone,
> 
> This will be a relatively short chapter, but I do hope you will like it nonetheless. :)
> 
> Thanks for all your awesome comments, it really means a lot to me! :D

Bucky sauntered through the thick layer of snow, his hands buried deep in the pockets of his jacket. He stared absentmindedly, his body moving on auto-pilot as he had no idea where he was going, and frankly, he did not care.

It had been almost two weeks now since he had started to avoid Steve. He would walk out of the room the moment the blond would enter, he slept in his own bedroom again, he even went as far as to leave the house in the early morning and just walk until his legs could no longer carry him. 

He would walk aimlessly, just like he did now. 

He was grateful that the blizzard had passed. The icy winds were starting to feel like knives, cutting the skin in his face. 

He took his cellphone out of his pocket, expecting nothing, yet hoping for a text or missed phone call. Bucky sighed as he saw no such thing. 

He continued his mind-numbing wandering for another couple of hours, only returning to the Avengers Compound as his stomach started to contract with hunger.

*

With nearly frozen fingers, Bucky opened the large front door and walked inside, throwing his snow-covered coat over the radiator. He walked into the common room, surprised to see Tony hanging on the couch, a blanket covering his legs. 

The playboy looked over his shoulder and stared at the man for a second, a deep feeling of hatred flaring through his chest. ‘Hey,’ he spoke as casual as possible, forcing his hands to relax as they almost clenched into tight fists. 

As Bucky looked up he noticed how his chest tightened at the sight of the playboy. Not understanding why his hands started to softly tremble, he decided to just burry them deep within the pockets of his vest as he uncomfortably walked towards Tony. ‘Is uhm, is Steve here?’ 

‘Yeah, he is,’ Tony said slowly. ‘He’s in the kitchen getting us some drinks and snacks. We’ve decided to binge watch some series, you know, just hanging on the couch with a warm blanket, not a care in the world.’ He stretched his limbs and let out a yawn. ‘So, uhm, what have you been up to?’ 

‘Not much,’ Bucky shrugged but as Tony raised a questioning brow he let out a sigh. ‘I just had to clear my mind, so I went for a walk…’ 

‘Okay,’ Tony turned his attention towards the kitchen, hearing the soft humming of the microwave in the background, quickly followed by the sound of popping corn. He then looked at the soldier again and stood up, wrapping an arm over his shoulder as he lowered his voice. ‘Listen, Buck, we both know we will never be the best of friends, but,’ he looked the soldier in the eye, ‘Steve’s been down for days, and, by the looks of it, so have you. Did anything happen between the two of you?’ He tried to ask the question with as much concern as he could muster. 

Bucky averted his eyes from the playboy, his jaw clenched.

‘Hey,’ Tony made the man look at him. ‘I’m asking you this because I’m concerned, for the both of you. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t feel like it, but I just thought I might be able to help. After all, I know Steve like no other.’ The smile that now formed on his face was somewhat questionable, ‘I’ve been with him since he’s out of cryo-sleep, fought with him, taught him the ways of the twenty-first century. All that while you, well, you know, walked around like a brainless murdering machine.’ 

Bucky hardly dared to look Tony in the eye as these last words hit him. He sighed deeply, ‘We got into a fight a couple of weeks ago.’ As he felt Tony still staring at him, he reluctantly continued, ‘I, I think there’s something wrong with me, Stark. I want to be with Steve, but at the same time I just… I want to push him away. I can’t stand him anymore, o-or myself, I don’t know.’ The soldier leaned against the wall and crossed his arms. He stared at his feet, the contraction of his throat making it nearly impossible for him to speak. ‘These last couple of weeks I, I just want to be as far away from Steve as possible, but when I do so I feel horrible…’ The soldier pushed himself from the wall, frustration keeping him from standing still. ‘I just don’t know why I suddenly feel this way or what to do! And the worst part of it all is that I…’ he then looked into the kitchen. He saw how Steve tried to reach for a bowl on the top shelve, only to flinch and place his hand on the exact spot where the soldier’s vibranium arm had collided with his ribs. Bucky’s stomach turned, his shoulders dropping with the heavy weight of guild and regret. ‘I’ve hurt him, Tony…’ He whispered softly. 

Tony remained silent as a wave of different emotions washed over him. The little cracks in the relationship were apparently starting to grow deeper and Tony could not be happier to witness the slow but steady destruction first-hand. He managed to suppress his smile at the thought of the Winter Soldier daring to lay his filthy hands on _his_ Captain. He eventually unclenched his jaw and spoke in a nonchalant tone; ‘Ah, don’t worry. Cap’s a though guy. He can take it.’ 

A scoffing one-sided smile formed on the soldier’s face, ‘I don’t only mean physically. Every time I walk away from him, every time I walk out of the door I just feel those damn brilliant blue eyes stare right after me… I hear the hurt in his voice every time he tries to talk to me, asking me why I’m avoiding him, why I’m always out. I see the hopelessness in his eyes every time I tell him that I… that I don’t know…’ 

‘So that’s why Steve’s been so miserable lately,’ Tony nodded slowly, a content feeling of sweet victory forming deep within him as he heard Bucky sigh in defeat. ‘He’s having a real hard time because of you, Buck.’

‘I know,’ the soldier cursed under his breath. He let his fingers slip through his straggly hair after which he took a deep breath. ‘You know Tony… When Steve and I started our relationship, I seriously thought I could make him happy. I wanted to protect him, to be there for him and to,’ Bucky wet his lips, his eyes scanning his surroundings as he searched for the right words. ‘to just let him know that I am grateful for everything he has done for me, and to let him know that I love him…’

‘And you did, for a moment, at least.’ Tony’s calm and gentle voice made the desperate soldier turn to him. ‘However,’ the playboy continued, his voice now dark and stern, ‘right now, you are destroying him. Each time you walk away from him, each time you refuse to talk to him, I see him die a little inside, Barnes.’ 

‘I know, but-’ Bucky remained silent as he felt tears forming in his eyes, ‘I-I just don’t know why I feel like this, or what to do…’

‘Well, it can’t go on like this forever, now can it?’ Tony started carefully. ‘You can’t keep doing this to Steve. The man loves you but _you_ , you just manage to destroy him, again and again and again. You drop in and out of his life, constantly, and it is slowly killing him inside,’ the last words of Tony’s sentence came out as a mere whisper. 

The soldier finally let himself fall in a chair, his head spinning. He looked at his trousers, wondering what the small dark stains were that had suddenly formed on the fabric. His lips parted slightly as he came to realize what was happening. He placed a trembling hand on his cheek, his fingertips soaking in the tears that slowly trickled down his skin. He looked up at the playboy with pleading eyes, his voice trembling as he spoke, ‘What should I do…?’ 

‘Well,’ Tony sighed deeply and crossed his arms, ‘You must make a change, Barnes. And I think that, deep down, you know what you must do, for Steve’s sake.’ He crouched down in front of the man, his stern eyes now leveled with those of the soldier. ‘Every time you disappear, every time you slam that door in Roger’s face, he just shatters.’ Tony’s voice was soft, making it sound like he cared, like he felt truly sorry for the soldier. ‘and you leave me to pick up those pieces and try to mend him. I am the one who has to comfort him, to tell him that everything will be alright and honestly, I don’t know how much longer I can see him languish in sorrow.’ The playboy sighed as he got no response. ‘Listen, Barnes, I know you love Rogers, but, sometimes, things just don’t end up the way we want them to…’ Tony gulped as he said this, memories of his friends flashing through his mind. He shook his head, ridding himself of the thoughts of his team leaving him, one by one. He looked up at the lost creature in front of him, a sinful determination hollowing his eyes as he came to realize just again how much he needed Steve to stay with him. ‘I know this will be really hard for you but, you know what to do, right?’ He took a deep breath and straightened his back. ‘You can’t stay in Steve’s life, not like this.’ 

Bucky looked up at the man for a moment, taking trembling breaths. He quickly wiped the tears of his face and gave a reluctant nod, ‘Yeah…’ he looked into the kitchen, seeing how Steve started to make his way back. ‘I know.’ He then turned his attention to the man in front of him again. ‘Tony, I… I know you don’t like me and I know you only let me stay here because Steve asked you too.’ 

Tony’s eyes widened. ‘No, I mean, well,’ 

‘It’s okay, I would hate me as well if I were you.’ Bucky managed to smile as he saw the nervous expression written on the playboy’s face. ‘I just wanted to say thank you. Thanks for letting me live here, for tolerating me, but, most of all, I would like to thank you for looking after Steve when I didn’t. He can be a real punk and a pain in the ass, sacrificing himself without thinking twice, but… He’s really a good guy.’ The warm smile formed out of pure love that showed on the soldier’s face made Tony’s stomach turn.

The playboy stared at the soldier for a moment, forcing a quick smile. ‘Yeah, he is. And you’re welcome.’ He then let out a deep sigh, ‘So, you know what to do now, right?’ 

Bucky nodded slowly. 

‘It’s for the best, soldier,’ Tony patted the man on his shoulder as he stood up. 

‘What is for the best?’ Steve asked as he entered the common room, a surprised look on his face as he saw Tony standing next to what, officially, still was his boyfriend. ‘Buck…’ 

‘Hey punk,’ Bucky managed a pained smile as he quickly stood up. 

‘I’ll leave you two alone for a minute,’ Tony gave a quick nod as he walked out of the room, stealing a handful of popcorn from the captain along the way. 

A heavy silence filled the air as the two men were now left alone. 

‘Steve,’ Bucky started, determinately straightening his back. ‘I think we need to talk.’


	5. Just you and I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, 
> 
> Thank you all so much for waiting for this chapter!  
> As some of you might know, I had already written 5 chapters for this story BUT as I was re-reading the final chapter, I came to the conclusion that I did not like it... at all.   
> So I just decided to throw it in the trash and start anew, this leading to three new chapters instead of one :D So... this story will now be at least 7 chapters instead of the promised 5.
> 
> I'm currently working on chapter 7, so I won't know if that will be the last one, but I'll let you guys know as soon as it's finished.
> 
> Thank you all so much for your patience.
> 
> Here's the newly written, chapter 5!

**Chapter 5**

**Just You and I**

Ignoring the sharp pain still stinging in his chest, Steve managed to grab a large bowl from the top shelf. The fight with his boyfriend might have been almost two weeks ago, but the injury, much like the memory, still felt fresh. His body was working hard on mending what was most likely a broken rib, the serum viciously pumping through his veins with every heartbeat. 

Steve let out a sigh, flinching as the oxygen past his lips, the sensation of his lungs slowly emptying burned in his chest. He stared at the empty bowl in his hands as he wondered if his boyfriend would come home tonight. He gulped as the question that followed nearly brought tears to his eyes; Did it matter? Did it matter whether Bucky was in the warm safety of the Avengers Compound, so Steve could wrap his arms around him, telling him that everything would be alright, whispering so softly that he loves him. Steve rubbed his tired eyes, constant worriment having him kept awake till the deepest of night.

He swallowed thickly as he came to the painful realization that it probably would not matter whether his boyfriend was here in his arms or out the cold. It was not like the man wanted to see him or talk to him anyway. The blond gritted his teeth as he tried to understand why this was all happening. Why was Bucky so cold to him? Why does he walk away from him, even going as far as to roam the dark December streets to avoid him? 

Was he though? 

Was he really out on the streets, alone in the cold? Or was he… in the arms of another? Was there someone else massaging his back after a long day? Was there someone else, who would comfort him after suffering from a horrendous nightmare? Was there someone else with which he shared his warmth, his love, or, his body? 

What if Tony was right? What if Bucky _did_ have someone else…? 

The obnoxious alarm coming from the microwave pulled the captain out of his thoughts, the smell of slightly burned popcorn causing him to turn around and quickly grab the now inflated and hot bag out of the machine. He shook his head, clearing his mind from treacherous speculations and sickening images of _his_ boyfriend squirming and moaning in pleasure in unfamiliar arms. 

_Tony,_ Steve thought determinedly. He was now enjoying his day with Tony, binge watching this “must-see” series called Game of Thrones. He could worry about his lover through the rest of the night, but right now he just wanted to switch off his brain and, for a few blissful hours, enjoy something without worrying.

Steve smiled through a soft sob as he thought back to the conversations he and the playboy have had throughout the day, most of it was just Tony being, well, Tony. Passionately rambling on about some new project or telling him funny stories of his past. Tony managed to make him smile. Tony succeeded in making him laugh. Tony was there for him every time Bucky disappeared, even offering Steve a place to sleep, right next to him, so he did not have to worry alone throughout the night and Steve was happy to except that offer.

Tony was kind to him, so very, very kind. 

And Steve was grateful, so very, very grateful. 

‘It’s for the best, soldier.’ 

The blond looked up with a frown as he heard the playboy’s voice. ‘What is for the best?’ He asked as he entered the common room, a surprised look on his face as he saw Tony standing next to what, officially, still was his boyfriend. ‘Buck…’ 

‘Hey punk,’ Bucky managed a pained smile as he quickly stood up 

‘I’ll leave you two alone for a minute,’ Tony gave a quick nod as he walked out of the room, stealing a handful of popcorn from the captain along the way. 

A heavy silence filled the air as the two men were now left alone.

‘Steve,’ Bucky started, determinately straightening his back. ‘I think we need to talk.’

The blond gulped as he lingered in the door opening, the tension that instantly lingered in the air pressing down on his chest. ‘You think so?’ The mockery ringing in his voice might not have been intended, but he could not have responded in any other way, even if he wanted to.

‘Look, I know you’re- you’re mad, and I get that,’ Bucky started nervously, but Steve was quick to interrupt him.

‘ _Mad_?’ The blond repeated, raising a brow. ‘You think I am _mad_? Buck, I am not just mad. I am confused, I’m furious! You shut me out, giving no reason whatsoever and you just disappear each time you see me!’ Steve quickly placed the bowl of popcorn on a small table next to him, after which he ran one hand through his hair. ‘You never answer your texts, you never call me back, you won’t even talk to me!’ He had raised his voice and he sighed in frustration. He had _never_ meant to raise his voice, not towards Bucky. 

‘Steve, I’m… I’m sorry, but I am telling the truth,’ Bucky replied, sharp blue eyes now glaring at him. ‘I don’t know why I’m doing this.’

Staring at the man in disbelieve, Steve managed to take a deep breath, placing his hands in his sides. ‘So that’s it? That’s all the explanation I’m gonna get?’

Not knowing what else to say, Bucky nodded reluctantly. 

‘… Buck, just… just be honest with me,’ the captain waited for the soldier to look at him. ‘Is there someone else? Is that why you sneak off?’ 

‘Wha-? Steve, no, I don’t-’ 

‘A-am I not good enough for you? Is it that why you don’t love me? O-or that you don’t love _men_? Is that why you look at me like I’m some disgusting monster? L-like I’m trash that you just don’t want to touch or look at anymore?!’ Steve nearly shouted as his eyes glistened in tears. ‘I see the way you look at me, Buck!’ He added with a sniff, ‘What did I do wrong…?’ 

‘Steve, no, please,’ Bucky let out a sigh in frustration, desperately searching for the right words to say. ‘It’s not that I don’t love you anymore, at least, I think,’ he shut his mouth again, his own words confusing him. 

‘You think…?’

The soldier looked up, his heart breaking as he saw his boyfriend standing in front of him. The blond’s body was trembling, tears were running down his cheeks, his breathing rapid and unsteady.

And for a moment, just a small, insignificant moment, Bucky saw the younger and smaller man he had grown up with in Brooklyn. There was no Captain America, no First Avenger, no WWII Super Soldier. There was just Steve Rogers, just a guy from Brooklyn, the man he had come to love so much through early years of happiness, years of war, years of hell and now, years of unity. 

‘Steve, I…’ Bucky managed to force some words to pass through his tightened throat. 

The blond took rapid, unsteady breaths, his mind racing as he tried to decide what to do. He wanted to step forward, to touch Bucky, to feel his embrace just one more time and to hear his gentle and caring voice. Yet, at the same time, he wanted to grab his shoulders and shake his entire body, to shout at him, to demand answers. 

‘It hurts,’ Steve eventually admitted between soft sobs as the soldier did not seem to continue, streams of tears now flowing faster than his heartbeat. ‘Every time you walk away from me, every time you shut me out or look at me in disgust… It hurts.’ A heavy sob disrupted his sentence, the last words coming out of his mouth in a tortured whisper. 

‘I know,’ Bucky took a deep breath and tried to swallow down some tears as he was hardly able to keep his emotions under control any longer. He looked up at the blond, trying to keep his back straight as his stomach contracted in guilt and regret. ‘And that’s why… I have decided to end this.’ 

Steve remained silent, his ears blocked by the heavy and static sound of complete silence. His tears stopped and, for a moment, so did his heart. Feeling like his world, his very being, just shattered, Steve stared at the man. His mouth slightly ajar and trembling. ‘What…?’ He asked so very softly that he even wondered whether he had uttered it at all or if it remained a lonesome word, lingering in his mind.

‘Tony was right,’ Bucky continued, his body now trembling as he saw the devastated azure eyes staring back at him in absolute disbelieve. ‘This has to end. I can’t keep doing this to you, Steve.’ A single tear rolled down the soldier’s cheek, making him quick to raise his mechanic hand to wipe it from his face. ‘That’s why I’m going back to Wakanda.’

‘…What?’ The blond asked again, even more confusion ringing through this one word. 

‘I love you,’ Bucky responded, his face contracting slightly as he fought bravely against the tears that were threatening to expose themselves. ‘With all my heart, with every fiber in my body, I love you.’ He averted his eyes, biting his lower lip till it bled in frustration as he tried to bring his emotions into words. ‘I don’t want to leave you, but I don’t want to hurt you either. I-I think there is something very wrong in my head again, Steve, and I’m… I’m scared. I’m scared of what’s going to happen, scared that I will hurt you, that I will try to murder you, that someone will come and take control over me and-’ Bucky trembled heavily, wrapping his arms around his body as memories started to come back. Memories he had hoped to never reexperience again. ‘I thought I was fixed, Steve,’ he managed to breath as tears started to slowly roll down his cheeks. ‘but I’m still fucking broken!’ 

‘…Buck…’ Steve walked forward, slowly, carefully, closing de distance between the two one small step at a time. All his anger and frustration instantly fading, turning into concern and sadness. 

The soldier took an unsteady step back, his voice soft and trembling. ‘Stay away from me, Steve, please. I don’t want to hurt you.’ 

Steve did not stop. 

‘Go away,’ he whispered softly as his arms were still wrapped around his body, his nails digging deep into softly flesh till they drew drops of ruby red liquid. 

Steve still did not stop.

‘GO AWAY!’ Bucky shouted frantically as hit his back against the cold wall. ‘GO AWAY! GO AWAY! GO AWAY!’ He screamed, his bloodied fingers now covering his face in shame as tears flowed uncontrollably. 

‘Buck,’ Steve whispered softly, as he now stood in front of the trembling man.

‘I’m fucking broken, Steve,’ Bucky sobbed, his voice hardly recognizable behind his hands.

The soldier froze completely as two warm arms wrapped themselves around his body, holding him in a gentle and loving embrace. He did not breathe, he did not think, all he felt was the safe hold of his lover’s arms around his numb body. 

‘You would never kill me, Buck,’ Steve’s voice was calm, his breath hot against the cold skin of the soldier’s neck, making the man in his arms shiver violently. ‘and you are not a machine, you are not broken and you do not need fixing. You are a human being and in need of help.’ 

Bucky remained silent. 

‘I am so sorry, for not noticing your pain, for not being there for you when you needed me.’ With his hands now softly stroking the soldier’s back, Steve pressed his lips against the soldier’s temple, placing a precious and almost fragile mark of unconditional love against his skin. 

Bucky cried. With his back still against the wall, he let himself slide to the floor and cried his heart out. 

Steve sat down next to him, whispering comforting and honied nothings as he held his boyfriend’s body in his arms, pressed against his own as he gently rocked his body. 

After what felt like hours, Bucky’s tears had stopped, his breathing now stabilized to shivering breaths and soft occasional hiccups. He was too tired to fight his lover’s touch, even that screeching voice inside his head that told him to stay away from the blond softened with every loving word Steve spoke. 

Steve’s hands on his body felt like restful paradise, his words sounding like blissful solace, his strong arms wrapped around his body like the sanctuary he had tried to return to for weeks. 

‘I’m not letting you walk away again, Buck,’ Steve whispered, feeling Bucky’s head resting against his chest. 

‘I’m scared.’ His voice was hoarse from screaming, eyes still red from crying, ‘I’m so fucking done with this, Steve.’

‘I know, but it will be alright.’ Steve pressed a kiss in the soldier’s straggly hair, ‘we’ll be alright.’ 

‘…Will you come with me? To Wakanda?’ Bucky hardly dared to ask. 

‘Of course I will.’ Steve smiled softly, pressing a loving kiss against the man’s lips. ‘I’ll be with you till the end of the line.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it for this chapter,   
> I really hoped you liked it. Looks like everything will work out just fine, right? ... Right? 
> 
> Well, let's just wait and see what the upcoming chapters have in store for us :)
> 
> Thanks again for reading and I hope you will have a lovely day! :)


	6. Your Move

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone,
> 
> Now, for this chapter, we will be going back in time a few hours. We will be following Tony's POV during the conversation that played between Steve and Bucky in chapter 5.
> 
> I really hope I wrote this well enough and that it's not one big confusing mess ^^' 
> 
> Uhm, anyway, I hope you'll enjoy ^^

Tony hummed merrily as he walked through the halls of the compound, occasionally throwing a piece of popcorn in the air and catching it in his mouth. The snack was sweet, just like he knew Steve liked it. It did taste a little burned, but Tony did not mind. Soon, he would enjoy the captain’s homecooked meals again, which the blond would make for just the two of them. He smiled contently as he made his way towards his workshop. 

‘Hey J?’ he called out, entering the lab and quickly grabbing a chair to sit on. ‘Give me cameras twelve to fourteen, please.’

‘Cameras twelve to fourteen, now displaying,’ the mechanic voice echoed through the room. 

Tony quickly dimmed the lights and reached out to the refrigerator under his desk, grabbing the bottle of expansive champagne he had bought earlier, waiting impatiently for the AI to program the camera footage as if waiting for a movie to start in the cinema. 

‘Camera display failed, sir. Initiating code two-zero-six. The privacy protocols.’ 

‘Overruled,’ Tony sighed irritably. ‘Ain’t no secrets for me in my own damn house,’ he mumbled. 

A smile came to his face as the three monitors displayed in front of him. The first focused on the captain, the middle focused on the common room in general and the third showing the soldier. He sat back, feeling more tense than he had expected to be.

-

“ _Look, I know you’re- you’re mad, and I get that,_ ”

-

Tony heard the soldier stutter and he scoffed. ‘“Mad”, that’s an understatement,’ he mumbled to himself, his statement proven right by the explosion of emotions that followed coming from the captain. 

Tony listened to their conversation, observing every movement, absorbing every word. He felt his stomach contracting as he heard the pleading cries from the one he loves so dear, guilt weighing heavy on his shoulders. 

This was wrong, all of it was wrong. He knew that. But just the very idea of Steve being touched and kissed by another man made his hands tremble in rage. 

Maybe, if he was still an Avenger, he would not be so lost. 

Maybe, if there was still a need for the invincible Iron Man, he would not feel so completely useless. 

Maybe, if all his friends were still here with him, things would have been different.

Maybe, if it just wasn’t Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes, the machine who murdered his parents, the man who nearly tore his group apart, Tony would have been able to cope. 

But what good were “maybes” in a world created from inevitable facts? They were but past possibilities, useless what-could-have-beens one should not look back to.

-

“‘ _It hurts_ ,’”

-

Wary eyes turned back to the monitors again as Tony heard the captain’s broken voice.

-

“‘ _Every time you walk away from me, every time you shut me out or look at me in disgust… It hurts_.’”

-

The playboy grabbed the bottle of champagne and placed it against his lips, downing that nagging little voice in a few large gulps.

-

“‘I know.’”

-

Tony raised his bottle slightly as guilt ate away at his soul, constantly reminding himself that this would all be for the better, in the end. Soon, he and Steve would be together again. Soon, it would just be the two of them. He will comfort Steve. Cradle him through his grief, guide him through lonely nights and make him feel loved and wanted as they would share bed and body with each other. 

And Steve? Steve would wish he would have noticed him sooner, but then again, the blond was ignorant. He was clever, warmhearted and unrivaled in bravery, but he was also so incredibly naïve. Tony just loved that side of him. He loved all of Steve. All his perfect imperfections, all his grace, all his characteristics. Each and every feature making the blond the man he is today, and Tony would not change a single thing about him.

-

“‘ _And that’s why… I have decided to end this._ ’”

-

Bucky’s voice sounded again, making Tony look up. He stared for a moment, but as the taste of victory flavored like ashen in his mouth, as the feeling of triumph was numb in his body, he tilted the bottle, drinking nearly half of it in one go. That feeling of contentment would come, just later, he managed to convince himself, somewhat. 

Somewhere in the distance, he heard the soldier speaking of Wakanda. Africa, great, that’s about as far away as he can get. 

The rest of the conversation was but an empty hum in the background. Tony’s eyes were on the projected screens, though he did not see what was shown to him. The desperate voice coming from his victim, screaming at Steve to go away left him numb. There were no goosebumps on his skin, no shiver running down his spine and no conscious telling him to stop this all, at least, not anymore. It must have drowned in the alcohol Tony had consumed.

What happened next, however, made Tony straighten his back.

-

‘I’m not letting you walk away again, Buck.’

-

Tony’s eyes widened as he saw Steve sitting on the floor next to the soldier. Why was he there? Why were they both still their? Why was the soldier not packing his bags, readying himself to get to the first plane heading for Wakanda? Or at least storming out of the building and back onto the streets where he belonged?! 

Why was Steve sitting on the ground? Why was he not screaming or crying, pleading for the soldier to remain by his side as Bucky would walk out the door? 

Why were they still together?

-

“‘ _I’m scared._ ’”

-

Than leave.

-

“‘ _I’m so fucking done with this, Steve.’_ ”

-

Than fucking leave! Stay away from Steve as far as possible!

-

“‘ _I know, but it will be alright. we’ll be alright._ ’”

-

Fuck, no! No, this was not how it was supposed to go!

Tony jumped up, walking back and forth in despair, sweat dripping down his skin as he kicked against one of his chairs with all his might. He then tried to calm down, his brain immediately working on figuring out what move to make next. That’s right, the next move. This is but a game and the soldier made his move. Now, it is Tony’s turn to make his again. 

Bucky had to disappear from their lives, one way another.

Tony then turned around, his eyes falling on the mind-controlling machine he had worked on for weeks. An empty yet frantic smile forming on his face as he saw the projected screen reflecting in the cold metal of the chair. 

One more time, he thought as he calmed down.

Bucky had to make a visit to his lab, just one more time and that would be Tony’s next move.

-

“‘ _…Will you come with me?_ ’”

-

Tony froze completely as he heard the question coming from Bucky’s mouth. He turned around, facing the screens again.

-

“‘ _To Wakanda?_ ’”

-

Tony’s eyes widened and for a moment, he did not breath. His heart ached like it was being pierced, slowly, intimately, as he saw a smile appear on the captain’s face. It was so gentle and so kind, so pure and so utterly Steve.

-

“‘ _Of course I will._ ’”

-

The bottle Tony was holding onto shattered in a thousand pieces as he let it drop from his hands. The glass shattering across the floor, the heavy smell of strong liquor filling the air. With open mouth and trembling body, he watched as the captain pressed another kiss against the man’s lips.

-

“‘I’ll be with you till the end of the line.’”

-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it!
> 
> Please let me know if you liked this chapter but more importantly; if it was any good to read. It was a little hard on deciding how to best let the conversation between Steve and Bucky play through this chapter without making it look like Tony was actually in the same room to witness it... If that makes any sense XD
> 
> Anyway, hope you will all have a nice day, and thanks again! :D


	7. Checkmate - part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, 
> 
> Welcome to part 1 of the final chapter... which, I guess, would also mean that this is not the final chapter... XD Anyway!  
> I have decided to break the last chapter in 2 parts. The first one I'll post today, part 2 will be posted tomorrow!
> 
> I hope you will enjoy! :D

Tony remained in his lab for the rest of the night. He continued to work on the mind controlling machine he thought he’d never use again. After he was one hundred percent satisfied with the outcome, he left his workspace and walked towards the sleeping chambers.

With heels of his shoes clicked loudly against the marble floor, halls illuminated in faint moonlight, he walked up a staircase, taking a left and nearing the bedroom he knew was Steve’s. His eyes were hollow, not a single spark to be found in them, his body moving on autopilot. 

He stopped for a second as he stood in front of Steve’s door, his hand resting on the doorknob before giving it a careful push. 

He let his eyes fall on the spooning couple that was sleeping in a slightly to small bed. Steve had wrapped his arms around Bucky’s body, holding the man tightly against his chest. Their fingers intertwined, their breathing calm and their eyes closed. They looked so happy, so peaceful. 

Tony walked around the bed without making a sound. He carefully let himself fall to his knees next to the captain’s side, his head resting on his arm as he stroked the blond’s soft hair with his other hand. 

‘I love you so much, Steve,’ he whispered. ‘It should have been us, all along.’ He trailed the man’s hairline with the tip of his fingers, moving them slowly to the back of his neck and over his bared shoulder blades, causing Steve to let out a soft moan in his sleep. 

Tony smiled as his deep love for the man managed to color his eyes in their usual warm hazelnut-brown. He held his breath as Steve rolled to his back, his sleeping face now turned to the playboy. Tony watched him, admiring his perfect body as Steve lay half-naked in the bed, his pants inches below his hipbones, showing the brim of his boxers. ‘Don’t worry though, sweetheart,’ he placed one hand in Steve’s, his other hand amiably moving through soft blond hair, his face now hovering over that of the captain, their lips parted by only an inch of cold winters’ air. ‘I’ll fix this. I’ll love you and hold you and make sure you will never want anyone else again,’ he whispered nearly in a pant, his breath warm against Steve’s cold skin. 

The muscles in Steve’s face contracted softly, making his eyes shut tighter for a second as he tried to turn back in his sleep with a whimper, but it was Tony’s gentle but forcing grip that kept the man on his back.

‘Ssh, it’s gonna be okay honey,’ Tony hushed as he placed a gentle kiss on the blond’s lips, his hand softly stroking his cheek. ‘I’ll watch over you.’ 

‘…Ste-’ 

Tony looked up as he heard a soft mumble. 

‘…Ste-ve…’ 

Tony glared at the sleeping man next to the blond. Bucky seemed to be mummering in his sleep, his voice soft but pleading while the muscles in his hands contracted. Tony raised a brow as he heard soft moans following. Was the soldier dreaming of _his_ captain? And if so, what was he dreaming? Was he forcing Steve into giving him a blowjob? Was he pushing Steve face-down into a pillow while forced himself on him?

Tony gritted his teeth, all the muscles in his body tensing as he felt his blood boil. He wanted to stand up, to punch the soldier till there was nothing left of him but the pile of shit that he is. He wanted to, and he would have, were it not that the blond underneath him let out a soft grumble as he tried to move again. 

‘Hush babe, don’t worry, I’ve got this.’ Tony smiled reassuringly as let his muscles relax again, staring at the pale face beneath him. ‘I’ll make sure he’ll never touch you again, I promise.’ He whispered and placed a soft kiss on the captain’s temple. 

He stood up and soundlessly moved around the bed to get to the soldier’s side. With his chest flaring in raging heat, he let his eyes fall on Bucky’s face, expecting the man’s cheeks to be rosy and his skin to be flushed by his lewd dreams. Tony’s eyes widened. He found the man moaning again, however, he now saw that it was not a sound of lust and pleasure, but rather a plead in despair. Bucky’s cheeks _were_ rosy and his skin was indeed flushed, but it was also covered in tears and sweat. His body trembled softly, his chest heaving in jagged motions as he took sharp breaths. 

Tony stood still for a moment, taking in the scene and waiting for any form of compassion to extinguish the rage that made his hands tremble. He waited, for nothing. 

The soldier had made his move, and now, now it was Tony’s turn.

He leaned forward, carefully, placing his cold hand on the man’s lips and covering his nose. 

It did not take long for Bucky’s eyes to open wide, instinctively grabbing the hand that covered his mouth and kept him from breathing. He looked up at the figure that was hovering over him, desperately clawing at the arm that held him in place. He readied himself to use what oxygen he had left for a kick against his attacker’s ribs, but as he focused his vision, he finally came to see that it was none other than Tony Stark who held him down. 

Tony moved his fingers slightly, letting the soldier breath through his nose but still kept his mouth covered. He placed a finger against his own lips, signaling Bucky to stay quiet. After a few sharp and deep breaths, the soldier nodded timidly, causing the hand to move from his lips.

Tony straightened his back as his dark brown eyes gleamed in pale moonlight, signaling the man to follow him with a wave of his hand. 

Bucky quickly wiped the tears from his face and jumped from the bed without asking questions. He turned around one last time, his eyes falling on the blond and he wondered if he should wake him up, but as he remembered Tony’s signal for him to stay quiet, the soldier let out a sigh and walked out of the bedroom, following the playboy to a place he knew not where.

‘What’s going on?’ He eventually asked as the two made their way through the cold and dark hallways, Bucky walking just a few steps behind the playboy. ‘Why did you wake me up like that?’ 

Tony did not respond.

‘Is it an enemy attack?’ Bucky tried again, his bare feet tapping against the cold marble floor as he fastened his phase to try and match that of Tony. 

‘Stay quiet.’ 

‘Tony, is it Steve?’ The soldier asked earnestly, grabbing the playboy by his arm and pulling him back to face him. ‘Is he in trouble? Is that why you didn’t want to wake him up?’ 

‘I said stay quiet!’ Tony nearly shouted, pulling his arm free from the soldier’s Vibranium grip. ‘Just- trust me,’ he hissed as he turned around again, continuing his way towards his lab.

The two came to a halt at the top of the stairs that would lead to Tony’s workplace. 

‘After you,’ Tony said, gesturing towards the stairs with a wave of his hand. He waited impatiently for the soldier to walk, but as Bucky seemed frozen, he let out an annoyed sigh. ‘Come on, Barnes,’ he tried as friendly as he could. ‘Haven’t got all night, right?’

Bucky tensed as he stared down the stairs, all his nerves on edge as he felt like he has walked those steps before. He looked up at Tony, his eyes slightly squinting as he saw the man’s rather questionable smile. There was something off about this situation, something about the very air that made the soldier hesitate. 

‘Barnes?’ Tony called out, his patience running low. 

‘Yeah, sorry,’ Bucky casted him a quick smile. He took a step forward and placed his hand on the stair railing. He looked over his shoulder and down the hall from which they came one last time, wondering if he should just go back as a growing feeling of restlessness stirred in the core of his stomach. He shook his head and continued to descend, feeling Tony close behind him. 

He should trust Tony more, or so Bucky told himself. He was the one who told him to go and talk with Steve. He was the one trying to help him when he himself was crying in despair. Pathetic. 

Bucky took a deep breath. If it wasn’t for Tony, he would probably be sleeping outside in the snow right now, slowly killing the one he loves so much. He let his head hang slightly, ashamed of even having the feeling that he would not be safe with Tony. 

‘Take a seat,’ The playboy said, passing the soldier as he walked towards a computer. 

Bucky stared at all the high-tech objects scattered throughout the workspace. Tons of notes and formulas written on whiteboards, on paper and some even on the white walls. His eye got caught by a pile of red and golden metal in the corner of the room and he recognized the scraps as remains of damaged suits, tossed aside as unwanted and worthless. 

‘Take a seat,’ Tony repeated, more urgent this time but as the soldier reached out to a desk chair, he sighed and grabbed him by his arm. ‘Not that one,’ he turned the man towards his improved creation. ‘That one.’ 

‘… Tony,’ Bucky started carefully as he felt his clammy hand on his skin, noticing the rapid and nervous eye movements of the playboy. ‘Are you oka-’ 

‘I told you to shut the up!’ Tony suddenly shouted, ‘Fuck! Can’t you even do something as simple as that?!’ 

Utterly stunned by the man’s sudden explosion, Bucky remained silent, letting Tony push him into the cold metal chair. 

‘J,’ Tony called out, ‘start the computer.’ 

‘Certainly sir,’ the mechanical voice sounded, causing Bucky to first look up at the ceiling and then at his side as a large computer, which was attached to the chair he was sitting on with all sorts of cables, made a loud humming noise.

Bucky felt his heart rate increasing, his blood rushing through his veins with alarming speed as he came to realize that something was wrong. 

Something was terribly, horribly wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it for part 1
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it and will be looking forward to part 2 which will be posted tomorrow! 
> 
> Thanks for reading and have a nice day! :D


	8. Checkmate - part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Good day to my dearest readers,
> 
> Uhm, so, first of all, I would like to thank you all for spending your precious time on reading my fic.  
> This will be the final chapter and, well, I would just like to point out the Archive Warnings and Additional Tags for this story, just to be sure...
> 
> Well, you've been warned. Uhm, I love you all, and I have nothing to say in my defense for this chapter... 
> 
> SO anyway, hope you will enjoy it nonetheless ^^'

**Chapter 8**

**Checkmate part 2**

‘… I followed your advice,’ Bucky tried carefully, his eyes slightly squinted in concern as he looked at Tony. The playboy turned around with a deadly glare, but Bucky managed to continue just before the man could shout at him again. ‘I talked to Steve.’ 

Hearing the name of the one he loves so dearly, Tony managed to take a deep breath. ‘You don’t say,’ he uttered as he now turned to the computer and started to scroll through some data. 

‘You were right,’ Bucky continued, noticing how the playboy seemed to calm down, a little at least. ‘Things couldn’t continue the way they did and, thanks to you, Steve and I managed to talk it out.’ 

‘Trying to concentrate here,’ Tony grumbled as his eyes remained locked on the computer screen in front of him. 

‘I just wanted to thank you…’ The soldier muttered softly. 

As Bucky remained silent for a moment, he noticed his heartbeat starting to increase causing his chest to heave as his blood coursed rapidly through his veins. He looked around him once more, an ominous feeling creeping up on him as his fingers clenched around the cold armrests. ‘… Tony, I,’ he looked over at the man and gulped as he saw dark eyes peering straight back at him over the brim of the computer screen. Feeling like a prey stalked by its hunter, Bucky restlessly pressed his back into the chair. ‘I think it’s best to go back to bed. It’s late, and, to be honest, I think you’ve been in your lab a little too long. When’s the last time you had a good night’s sleep?’ 

‘You’re not going anywhere, Barnes,’ With a press of a button, Tony made sure the soldier could not escape, iron straps holding him down again by his wrists and ankles. ‘You will stay here, with me, nice and quiet.’ 

Bucky let out a short yelp as he felt the cold iron pressing into his skin, the grip of the machine being strong enough to cut off all blood flow towards his hand and feet. He panted heavily as memories starting to come back to him. ‘You,’ he whispered softly, ‘you’re the one who’s been messing with my mind…?’

‘J, make sure all power supplies are stable, turn to max volt,’ Tony spoke as he turned to his computer again, ignoring the soldier completely.

‘Stark!’ Bucky shouted, making frantic movements as he tried to free himself. ‘These past few weeks I, I thought that there was something wrong with me… I couldn’t understand why I behaved the way I did, why I pushed Steve away from me, but now…!’ He looked the playboy in the eye, his teeth gritted, fingers almost denting the iron he was clasping. ‘Why did you do this?! Is it to get back at me?!’ 

‘This has nothing to do with you, Barnes,’ Tony stated emotionlessly as he walked closer. ‘And at the same time, it is all about you.’ His lip twitched slightly as he looked at the soldier in disgust. ‘This won’t take long but it will be painful.’ He reached over Bucky’s head and lowered the helmet-like device that hovered above the man. ‘I will make sure that it will be very, _very_ painful.’

Knowing what was to come, Bucky did not say a word, muted by the traumas of his past. He let himself rest into the cold embrace of the chair, staring at nothing as the sound of electricity charging brought tears to his eyes. 

His entire body convulsed as the heavy shock charged through his body. It did not kill him and Bucky nearly thought that to be a shame as he screamed his lungs out. He waited, for what felt like hours, to lose consciousness, to lose control of himself and let the Winter Soldier take comment, or rather, receive orders. 

But it did not happen. 

Although his body was shaking in agony, although his mouth filled with the foul taste of blood from biting his tongue, he would not pass out. Managing to tilt his head slightly, Bucky laid his eyes on Tony, who was leaning against a desk with arms crossed. The man stared back, saying nothing, eyes dull and impassive. 

‘Sir,’ J.A.R.V.I.S. sounded, nearly succeeding in making Tony smirk as the man swore he heard a ring of concern echo in the artificial voice. ‘The current output will not suffice to bring out the subject, I suggest you switch to-’

‘I know, Jarv,’ Tony interrupted. ‘This one is not for the Winter Soldier,’ he glared as he walked closer to Bucky. ‘This one’s for our Sergeant.’ He waited a few more minutes, a few more long, agonizing minutes, before shutting off the electricity flow.

Bucky let out a short cry as his body slumped into the chair, painting heavily as his tear-filled eyes remained wide. He coughed loudly, blood splattering across the floor and on his clothes. 

‘There,’ Tony said as he placed a finger underneath the man’s chin, forcing his head up. ‘I’d say that about gives you an idea of how I felt when you tried to steal Steve away from me.’ 

Bucky remained silent, he could not respond even if he wanted to. He tried to move his lips, to utter some words, but all he could do was gasp for air. 

‘You tore my team apart,’ Tony continued. ‘You killed my parents,’ He wrapped his fingers around the man’s jawline, leaving the skin to bruise under his strong hold. ‘And now, now you’re trying to steal away the one person I cannot live without.’ Tony’s fingers clenched even further, leaving the trembling soldier to cry and squirm under his touch. ‘I love him, Barnes.’ 

Bucky tried to focus his blurry vision, noticing some warmth seeping back into Tony’s eyes as the man confessed his love for his boyfriend.

‘I love him so much,’ Tony’s eyes averted from those of the Soldier, a loving, almost melancholic smile forming on his face. ‘The way he laughs when I make one of my bad jokes, the way he looks at me as he tries to understand what I’m talking about when I’m blabbering about one of my newest inventions. He’s always… curious,’ Tony said as if he was trying to explain himself. ‘but he never really seems to understand.’ He let out a soft chuckle as he envisioned the blond, intrigued by one of his projects. ‘He’s always so interested in everything I do.’ 

‘To…ny…’ Bucky uttered, tears streaming down his cheeks again as the vibration of his vocal cords left his throat to burn. 

‘Steve is the love of my life,’ Tony concluded with a tender smile. He then turned his eyes back to the soldier and held his breath for a second. 

Bucky flinched as he saw the playboy turn into an emotionless puppet the moment he laid eyes on him. All the respect, all the love and joy seeping from Tony’s very being as Bucky saw his own reflection in the man’s dull eyes. 

‘I’m not letting you take away the last person that I have left,’ Tony straightened his back and buried his hands in the pockets of his trousers. ‘This is where I say goodbye, Buck. You’ll be walking out of Steve’s life after I’m done with you and we’ll never have to see each other again.’ Tony’s voice was cold, emotionless, not a single shred of regret or empathy to be heard. He turned around and walked towards the computer so he could ready the settings to bring forth the Winter Soldier. 

‘Y…ou… hurt… Ste-ve.’ 

Tony stopped in his track as he heard a voice that sent burning loathe to flare through his body. 

‘You on-ly think… o-f yourself,’ Bucky continued, his voice strained and hardly recognizable as his own.

The playboy turned around, marching back towards the soldier. He grabbed Bucky by the collar of his shirt and nearly lifted the man out of his seat if it was not for the restraints holding him in place. ‘I dare you to say that one more time,’ his growled, his voice low as he bared his teeth.

‘Have you e…ver th-ought of Ste-ve…?’ Bucky asked softly. 

‘Wha- Haven’t you been listening to a word I just said?!’ Tony shook the man heavily, hearing the vertebrae in his neck crack with every jerk of his head. ‘I _love_ him! The only thing I can think of is him! He is in my head the moment I open my eyes, he follows me throughout the day and even at night he haunts my dreams!’ Like a child throwing a fit, he pushed the soldier back into the chair like a broken toy.

‘Then why,’ Bucky whispered as he could hardly remain conscious. ‘Why are you acting so selfish? _You_ want Steve. _You_ want me gone. _You_ want his love…’ he coughed heavily. ‘But have you ever thought of what that punk wants?’

‘He will want me,’ Tony paced through his workshop like a wild beast trapped in a cage. He trembled, sweat covering his skin and chest heaving. ‘Once you are gone, I will be there for him. I will _always_ be there for him, and Steve will wish he noticed me sooner.’

Bucky closed his eyes as he fought to keep his head up, a timid smile forming on his face, showing his blood-covered teeth. ‘I know Steve deserves someone better than me,’ he started in a voice so damaged he hardly recognized it as his own. ‘but that someone certainly ain’t you, Stark.’

Tony trembled in rage as he commanded J.A.R.V.I.S. to release the soldier from his restraints. He pulled Bucky out of the chair, only to throw the almost limp body against the opposite wall. What happened next was all a vague turning of events, his actions a blur. 

He remembers the soldier collapsing on the floor. He remembers straddling him and forcefully slamming his head against the hard marble floor till blood dripped from his ear and seeped through his hair. And somewhere, vaguely, he remembered how his fingers slowly wrapped themselves around the soldier’s throat. 

Bucky’s weakened hands rested on Tony’s wrists as his mind finally caught up with the scene. The playboy looked at his hands, or more specifically, at his thumbs which were pushing down on the soldier’s windpipe. He saw the tears running down the man’s temple as he desperately tried to inhale, but the oxygen would not pass through his throat. 

Tony stared and waited. He waited for himself to loosen his grip and move his hands. He waited for himself to jump up and order J.A.R.V.I.S. to call an ambulance for this was not what he had intended.

He waited, for nothing. 

He squinted his eyes and bared his gritted teeth as he forced more strength into his blood-stained fingers, feeling the heavily damaged skin strain underneath his touch. 

It did not take long, and Tony found it almost humane. 

He slowly uncurled his fingers from the soldier’s throat after the man fell completely silent. 

He stared. 

Bucky’s lips were slightly parted but his chest did not heave. His eyes, filled with terror, remained wide open while glistening with tears. He did not make a sound as Tony stood up and took a few steps back.

_Regret was a luxury he could no longer afford._

_Guilt used to be such a cruel mistress_

_And love,_

_Love is a parasite, slowly eating away on your sanity._

_Tony had learned long before this moment._

_He took a deep breath and turned off the machinery that were still softly humming in the background._

_He grabbed his desk chair and sat down, his elbows resting on his knees as his hands were folded. God, he should have stored a bottle of Scotch here in his workroom._

_He sighed and looked at the body that was displayed at his feet._

‘Sir,’ The artificial voice sounded, breaking the long lingering silent. ‘Captain Rogers is knocking on your bedroom door. He seems to be in search of Sergeant Barnes.’ 

‘Tell him I’ll be right there, J.’ Tony mumbled as he sat up straight and stared at the lifeless form that was once James Buchanan Barnes. ‘Just got to take out the trash first.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and that's it. Like the Additional Tags said, not really a happy ending ^^'
> 
> Anyway, I really hope you guys enjoyed reading this! I want to thank each and everyone of you for leaving Kudos and Comments, it really meant a lot to me.
> 
> I am thinking of writing some extra chapters for this fic... writing Steve's reaction, writing the conversation between him and Tony after Tony has... "taken out the trash". How Steve will react when he finds out, IF he ever finds out, and, of course, if Tony will indeed get the captain's love. Anyway, for now, this will be it.
> 
> I think my next project will be a FrostLord (Loki and Peter Quill) fic, so if that sounds interesting, be sure to check my profile once in a while :)
> 
> Again, thank you all so much! I do hope you will be enjoying the rest of your day and please let me know your thoughts in the comments below!


	9. Love Hurts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone and welcome back!
> 
> So, first of all, thank you all so so so so much for all your amazing and loving comments! It really means a lot to me!
> 
> I have written 2 additional chapters for this story and am planning on writing 2 more. So, that would mean that there are at least still four more chapters for this fic to come. 
> 
> Again, thank you all so much, it is because of you guys that I kept writing for this fic, so I really hope you will like the additional chapters!

**Chapter** **9**

**Love Hurts**

Tony paced back and forth through his workshop, his head pounding. He ruffled his hair as he tried to focus and shot a quick glance towards the lifeless body that was still on the floor. 

He had to get rid of it and he had to come up with a lie for what had happened and why the soldier was gone. 

Wait, no, not a lie. It was just… bending the truth, just an innocent story to protect the one he loves and who will, in time, love him. It was all for the better. It was all for Steve.

‘Sir,’

Tony looked up, being pulled from his thoughts by a mechanical voice. ‘What Jarv?’ he snapped. 

‘Captain Rogers Is moving towards your workshop, sir. He seems to be quite restless.’

‘What?!’ Tony shouted and cursed under his breath. He had to think of something and quick. ‘J! Deploy Mark Seven and have Mark Thirteen on hold, now!’ 

Tony stood up straight, the Mark Three Iron-Man suit wrapping flawlessly around his body within seconds. God, it has been a long time since he felt the cold metal against his skin. He flinched as the mask hit his face roughly, now remembering that Mark Three was not yet 100% optimized. He opened his eyes and saw the second suit, Mark Seven, standing proudly in front of him. 

‘Mark Seven ready for orders, sir.’ The AI spoke.

‘I see, thanks.’ Tony hastily walked over to the Soldier, the iron boots sounding loudly against the marble floor. ‘Jarvis, open the closet for me will you?’ he grabbed Bucky by his cold wrists and dragged him towards the large weapon closet. ‘Fuck, this guy’s heavy,’ he muttered, using the strength of his suit to shove the body onto a pile of armory prototypes. ‘J, close the door, now.’ 

‘Certainly, sir.’ J.A.R.V.I.S. did as he was told, hiding the soldier’s cold body behind thick doors. ‘Would you wish for me to tell Captain Rogers that you are currently unavailable?’ 

‘Depends,’ Tony sighed as he walked over to Mark Thirteen, his hands nervously clenching and unclenching as he stood in front of the shining machine. ‘How long till he gets here?’

‘It will take him an approximate two minutes and 12 seconds, sir.’ 

‘That should be enough. Jarvis, set a timer for one minute, starting now.’ Tony took a deep breath, his voice sharp as he spoke. ‘Mark Seventeen, engage. Attack me, no weapons, Close Quarters Combat only.’ 

The dark grey suit lit up at Tony’s command. It charged towards him at rapid speed, grabbed him tightly by his upper arm, causing the metal of Tony’s suit to dent at its strong hold. Tony winced as he automatically fought back but he managed to restrain himself just enough to take some serious damage. He endured his creation’s assault for a full minute, shouting at it to stop as the timer J.A.R.V.I.S. had set went off. With his suit now half torn and his body bloodied and bruised, he commanded the AI to send the Mark Seventeen back to its original station. 

With whatever strength he had left, Tony limped out of his workshop and went up the stairs. He panted softly as his head throbbed, scoffing at himself as he realized he might have taken it slightly too far. Oh well, better safe than sorry. 

Tony looked up, hearing the captain’s bare feet tap against the cold marble floor in the distance. He took a deep breath and then shouted, ‘Steve!’ 

‘Tony?’ The blond called out, frowning as he saw his friend in his all too familiar suit, or at least, what was left of it. ‘Tony, have you seen-’ Steve started but his heart seemed to stop beating for a second as he laid his eyes on the playboy. He ran towards him, catching the man just before he would fall to the ground. ‘Tony, what happened?! Who did this?!’ he asked desperately, already feeling Tony’s warm blood sip through the cracks in his suit and onto his hands.

‘Steve, I’m- I’m sorry,’ Tony panted as he tried to get on his own two feet again. ‘It’s Bucky, I tried to stop him, but-’ the playboy flinched, letting out a genuine cry as parts of his armor penetrated his skin.

‘Wha… but- Bucky…?’ Steve stammered as he tried to understand the words he just heard, his eyes shooting back at the playboy again as he heard him gasp. ‘No, no, Tony, don’t be sorry,’ The blond said as he fought bravely against the tears that were stinging in his eyes. ‘I’m the one who should apologize. I-I should never have asked Bucky to come here, I should have-!’ He stopped himself from rambling by taking a deep shaking breath. ‘Where’s he now?’ 

‘He ran off, I don’t know where, he didn’t say,’ Tony let himself slumber in the captain’s strong arms, his head resting against the man’s chest. ‘God, I’m so sorry Steve, I really didn’t want to fight him. I-I’m so sorry.’

‘That’s okay, it’s okay now.’ Steve gave a nod and carefully placed the playboy on the floor, letting his back rest against the wall. ‘I’m sorry Tony,’ he whispered as he looked at his blood-stained hands and shirt. ‘But I have to go after him.’

‘…What?’ Tony asked puzzled as the blond stood up. ‘Steve, it’s the middle of the night! It’s dark and freezing, literally. Y-you can’t go out now, you’ll never find him!’ 

‘I’ll have to try,’ Steve said as he turned his back towards the man. ‘I’ll be right back, Tony, I promise, I just- I have to find him.’

‘Steve, wait!’ Tony shouted but the captain was already out of sight before he could say anything else. He sighed deeply and let his head rest against the wall. ‘Jarvis,’ his voice was soft and weary. ‘Make sure we can track him down.’

* * *

Steve stormed outside while putting on his coat, the fresh snow crackling underneath his heavy boots. He tried to look around, but the blizzard that was raging through the trees made it nearly impossible to see. He cursed and looked at the snow beneath his feet, gritting his teeth as he saw no footprints. It must have been the blizzard that had wiped the tracks, or so the captain thought.

‘Bucky?!’ His cry was hardly audible over the howling winds. ‘BUCKY!’ he shouted at the top of his lungs, hoping that, despite his better judgment, his boyfriend would respond. 

Tears started to form in his eyes as the cold winds remained to be his only answer. 

This could not be happening. Bucky could not leave, not now! Not now they finally talked, not now things finally seemed like they were getting better. 

Steve took a step forward, wanting to go into the forest that surrounded the compound in pursuit of his boyfriend, but he flinched as the icy wind hit his face. He glared into the distance, gritted his teeth and started to run. 

He shouted the soldier’s name till his voice was hoarse. He ran till his legs could no longer carry him. he forced his body to keep moving at top speed till he heard his own heart beating loudly in his ears. 

He searched, though the snow made it impossible to see. He shouted, though the winds made it seem like he was mute. He cried, though the cold made it feel like his tears froze directly to his skin. 

‘B-Bu-cky…’ Steve panted heavily as he finally came to a stop and leaned against a tree. ‘Please, please I beg of you,’ he looked at his numb fingers through heavy lashes, noticing how the first digits had started to turn pale and blue. He then glanced around himself, only now realizing that he had no idea where he was. The footprints he had left in the snow disappeared right in front of his eyes, the usual paths and marks that would normally give him an indication to where he was now covered in the thick layer of white powder. 

Steve slowly let himself slide to the floor with his back against the tree. He folded his arms against his chest and pulled up his knees, making himself as small as possible. 

God, he was scared.  
Scarred of the wind that was violently howling and twirling around him, the freezing temperatures slowly penetrating his body, but most of all, scared of never seeing his boyfriend again. 

Steve fought bravely against his heavy eyelids, knowing that if he’d close them now, chances were he’d never open them again. He wondered how long he had been out here now that his body had stopped shaking and his heartbeat seemed to grow slower with every breath that he took. 

‘Bu…cky…’ he whispered one last time as he breathed out. The sound of rocket boots closing in being the last thing he heard before losing conscious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it for this chapter. 
> 
> Thank you all again for spending your precious time on this fic and let me know what you think in the comments below!
> 
> Thank you all and have a marvelous day!


	10. On Lust and Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone and welcome back!
> 
> Thank you all so much for your amazing comments! It really means a lot to me and I just wanted to say that you guys are awesome!
> 
> Now, without further ado, here's chapter 10, hope you will enjoy it :D

Steve twitched his fingers as he slowly regained consciousness, feeling comfortable and soft fabric underneath his body. 

He opened his eyes and stared at a familiar ceiling. He blinked and turned his head at the sound of wood crackling, now seeing that there was a soft fire burning in the fireplace of the Compound’s common room. He laid still on the couch and stared at the gently dancing flames, wondering when it was that he had returned home. 

His head was spinning as he tried to remember everything that has happened in the past few hours. With his body heavy and weary Steve wanted to close his eyes again, but then opened them widely as he heard a soft sigh. He looked at his side, noticing Tony right next to him. He was sitting on his knees, the man’s upper body resting on the couch as his eyes were closed. He wasn’t wearing his suit anymore, or at least what was left of it, and Steve could now clearly see all the damage that his boyfriend had done to him. The bruises on his skin were already turning dark, the many cuts and abrasions still feverishly red.

Steve sat up straight, the soft blanket that was so caringly wrapped around his body now falling to the ground. ‘Tony…?’ he whispered, his voice hoarse from screaming.

The playboy slowly opened his eyes and looked up, a gentle smile forming on his face. ‘Hey, Rogers,’ he sighed in relief. 

The blond looked at his hands and saw that the blue color had disappeared from his fingers. ‘When did I…?’ 

‘I couldn’t leave you out there any longer, cap,’ Tony said as he stood up with a soft hiss. ‘I’m sorry, but I had to bring you back. You would have died otherwise.’ He limped over to the fire place and threw another log into the flames. 

‘I’m sorry for all the trouble,’ Steve muttered as he placed his bare feet on the floor, allowing his friend to sit next to him. ‘I’m so sorry for everything, Tony...’ 

‘That’s okay, I used to save people all the time when I was younger, you know, protect the world with a bunch of heroes who were just as reckless as you,’ Tony chuckled but as Steve only stared into the flames again, his smile faded. ‘Really cap, it’s okay, it’s not your fault.’ 

‘I still can’t believe that-’ Steve started but he could not find it in him to finish his sentence. ‘Tony, what happened, exactly? Why did Buck attack you?’ 

‘Well, I was tinkering with some tech in my lab, staying up way to late as usual, when I heard a noise coming from upstairs. I thought that the two of you were asleep, so I summoned my suit and went out to investigate.’ Tony carefully turned his body to face the captain properly, ‘Steve, when I found him he… he was searching through my wallet and took out all the cash I had in it. When I called his name, he turned around and,’ the playboy frowned as he envisioned his own story. ‘He had this- this insane gaze in his eyes.’ 

‘So it was not Buck,’ Steve said, his voice balancing between relief and desperation. ‘It must have been the Winter Soldier. Bucky’s suffering from relapses, h-he told me so! That must explain this behavior, it must be the Winter Soldier’s doing.’

‘That’s what I thought as well,’ Tony quickly continued with a grim expression as he looked away from Steve. ‘I approached him cautiously, knowing he could be unpredictable when he, well, loses sight of himself. I told him that I didn’t want to fight him, that there must have been another way to solve whatever he’s been dealing with as long as he let us help him but…’ he remained silent for a moment and shook his head. ‘“No need to talk to me like I’m some broken machine gone berserk, Stark. I don’t need your help, I’m fucking done with both you _and_ Steve.”- that’s what he said.’ Tony looked Steve in the eye, meeting his lost gaze. ‘I’m sorry, Steve, but I know the difference between Bucky and the Winter Soldier and this was one hundred percent Barnes.’ 

Steve remained silent and just stared into the flames. 

‘Steve…?’ Tony asked softly as he noticed how the captain’s hands had slowly clenched into fists on his lap, his jaw trembling slightly. 

‘I don’t understand him anymore, Tony,’ The captain’s weak voice triggered a sharp pain in the playboy’s chest as he had never heard the man whisper so defeatedly. ‘I want to help him, and I try so hard but I… I just don’t know what to do anymore.’ 

‘I don’t think there’s anything you can do, Rogers,’ Tony wrapped an arm around the man’s trembling shoulders and pulled him in his warm embrace. He managed to suppress a hiss in pain as the captain rested his head against his bruised chest. He closed his eyes as he felt the blond shudder in his arms, every sob that followed feeling like a dagger piercing his heart. ‘You’ve done all you could, Steve. You have been so brave and fought so hard,’ he whispered, gently rocking the captain’s body back and forth. ‘But now, it’s time to rest. You have to think of yourself for a moment, and… let Barnes go.’

At that moment, at those soothing yet poisonous words, Steve lost control over his emotions and broke down in the man’s arms. His cries filled the air, his tears drenching the playboy’s shirt as he came to realize, once again, that he would probably never see his boyfriend again.

And Tony?

Tony held the captain in his arms, letting him cry his heart out while his hand amiably moved through blond locks. He whispered soothing and honeyed nothings, barely keeping himself from placing gentle kisses against the man’s temple.

They sat in the common room together till the fire had died, leaving smoldering ash and the scent of burned wood.

‘Steve?’

The blond didn’t respond.

‘Maybe you should take a shower and go to bed, huh?’ Tony continued as he rubbed the man’s back. ‘It’s getting late and you must be pretty exhausted.’ 

As the captain still didn’t talk, Tony stood up and took the blond’s pale hands in his own. They walked towards the bathroom next to the playboy’s bedroom and Tony made sure to grab everything Steve needed before leaving the man to shower alone.

‘I’ll be next door, so if you need anything, just shout, okay?’ Tony handed the captain a large soft towel, ‘Or ask Jarvis.’

Steve nodded, ‘Thanks, Tony…’ 

‘Anything for you, cap. Just take your time.’ The playboy placed a hand on the man’s shoulder for a second and smiled before walking towards his own bedroom. He started to undress and change into some comfortable sweatpants and dark grey shirt, his eyes constantly darting towards the laptop that stood on his desk. 

He stood still for a minute as he now heard the shower running and, with a deep sigh, sat down behind the desk. He placed his hand on the laptop, a moment of hesitation keeping him from opening it, but he eventually started it up anyway. ‘Jarv,’ he muttered as he tried to make himself comfortable in his chair. ‘Give me camera seven point one, please.’

There was a split second of silence before the AI spoke, ‘Camera display failed, sir. Initiating code two-zero-six. The Privacy Protocols.’ 

‘Again with that crap?’ Tony sighed and rolled his eyes. ‘Overruled.’ 

‘Privacy Protocol overruled. Now displaying camera seven point one.’ 

Tony felt his heart beating loudly as the video footage became visible on the screen of his laptop. There, live and right in front of his eyes, he saw the captain, naked and soaked underneath the shower. Tony gulped as he adjusted himself in his chair, his blood rushing through his body while a burning heat flared below his waist. 

God, Steve was perfect. Pale skin wrapped over strong muscles, long legs supporting his sturdy body, soft fingers moving through blond hair. This must have been what the ancient Greek had found when they were searching for their Gods, this must have been what they had envisioned as they created their sculptures for worshiping.

And that is what Steve was to Tony. A piece of precious art, a perfect sculpture brought to life, just for him and him alone. 

The playboy let out a shaking breath as he saw the captain covering himself in a musky shower gel, his hands moving over every inch of his body, leaving a trail of soapy bubbles on his skin. Tony tried to tear his eyes away from his screen, especially now his own hand started to slide down his pants, but the captain’s naked sight was just too inviting to be ignored. He let himself fall back into the chair as he held his cock in one hand, his imagination taking him into a dream where Steve was slowly moving his lips around his throbbing member. 

Tony moved his hand as he closed his eyes, stroking himself in sync with the captain’s movements in his lustful reverie. He imagined the captain’s bright blue eyes looking up at him, moaning his name as he forced Tony all the way down his throat, and Tony led out a shuddering breath. 

He stroked himself faster, his cheeks feeling feverish as he panted heavily. With eyes half-lidded, he looked at his screen again, watching Steve rinse the soap from his body, revealing himself, naked and flawless. 

It was at that moment that a shot of ecstasy made the playboy squirm hot in his chair. His entire body convulsed in sinful pleasure as he let out a loud whine, just barely being able to keep himself from moaning Steve’s name as he came in his hand. 

Tony let himself slumber into his chair, his muscles now heavy and lax as he panted. After he took a second to catch his breath, he quickly cleaned himself off, righted his clothes and poured himself some liquor from a bottle he had standing at the corner of his desk. 

He looked at his hands which were still shaking as he brought the glass to his lips and laughed softly at himself, not remembering when it was last that he had come this hard. 

His smile was soon to disappear however as he heard a knock on his door. 

‘Tony?’ Steve’s voice sounded timidly from the other side of the door. ‘Can I come in?’

‘Uh,’ Tony reacted, his eyes shooting at his laptop which was still projecting the bathroom. ‘Just a sec, cap.’ He quickly turned the device off, cleared his throat and tried to take a casual pose. ‘Come in.’ 

Steve opened the door slowly, ‘I just-’ he started but then tilted his head slightly as he frowned. ‘Am I… interrupting something?’ he asked awkwardly as he saw Tony leaning heavily against his closet with one hand, a drink in his other. 

‘Uh, no,’ Tony smiled quickly, and he raised his glass. ‘Just taking my nightcap.’ As he then noticed the captain’s red eyes, his smile faded completely. 

Steve had been crying. 

The man he loved so much was crying while he… 

‘It’s times like these that I wished alcohol could still effect me.’ 

Tony looked up as Steve’s voice pulled him from his thoughts and he saw a faint smile on the man’s face. It was painful and melancholic, but to Tony, it still counted as a smile. 

‘I might have something that could work,’ The playboy said as he passed the captain. ‘Stay here, I’ll be right back. Uh, take a seat, if you want.’

‘Uhm, thanks,’ Steve looked around the room and settled with the desk chair, causing Tony’s cheeks to flare up as he was just sitting there himself while...

‘Be right back,’ Tony forced himself to say as he paced out of the room, only to come back with a bottle of unbranded liquor. ‘Here, try this,’ he handed Steve a large glassful. ‘It’s Asgardian mead, I think Thor has forgotten about it so, who knows. You might not get wasted, but it just might do the trick for you to get some sleep.’ He then gestured the captain to come sit next to him on his bed, raising his glass as Steve did so. ‘bottoms up.’

‘Bottoms up,’ Steve heartedly downed the entire glass in one go. His eyes widened, as did his smile, as he immediately felt the liquor mixing with the blood in his veins. ‘Tony this is… this stuff is amazing!’ 

Tony chuckled in surprise at the captain’s sudden joyful mood, ‘glad to hear you like it.’ He placed a hand on the captain’s back, slowly moving it up and massaging his neck. ‘So, what did you come here for, anyway?’ 

‘Uh…’ Steve pensively squinted his eyes as he looked at Tony, his brain now seeming to work half its usual phase. ‘Oh yeah! I just wanted to- and Tony, I want you to listen carefully- I just wanted to say… That I’m _sorry_ , and that I’m _thankful_.’

‘…Okay,’ Tony said slowly, now noticing how the captain slurred his words. ‘I think such a large glass full might have been a little too much, even for the great Captain America,’ he chuckled softly as he took the empty glass from the blond’s hands. ‘Well, at least its working,’ he muttered softly. 

‘No, Tony, listen,’ Steve grabbed the playboy by his hands, causing the man to look at him in surprise. ‘I’m sorry for letting that _fuck_ mess up our lives. I’m so sorry he attacked you and, and, left me and came back and then left us again and came back and… wait, is he back now or is he gone?’ 

‘Uh,’ Tony uttered. ‘He’s-’ 

‘Nah, it doesn’t matter,’ Steve scoffed bitterly, the alcohol racing through his body. ‘That piece of shit can just drop dead and rot in hell for all I care.’

‘Woah, language!’ Tony frowned as he heard himself say this, but then fell completely silent as the captain’s words actually dawned on him. He felt his chest clench as he saw the tears that had formed in the captain’s eyes and he gulped. ‘Yeah… drop dead.’ He then smiled at the man. ‘You know, some wishes might actually come true.’

‘Whut?’ Steve asked, but as Tony just awkwardly smiled at him, he shrugged. ‘Listen, Tony,’ he continued, suddenly sounding all sober. He placed a hand on the playboy’s cheek, gently moving his face to look him in the eye. ‘I am really, _really_ grateful for all your help and support today. If you weren’t here, well, I’d just be one big depressed mess right now.’ 

Tony’s heart skipped a beat as he stared into those brilliant azure eyes. The captain’s cheeks were bright red, and his pupils constricted, clearly the man was still drunk, but to Tony, it didn’t matter. ‘You’re welcome cap.’ He smiled as he took the blond’s hands in his own. He moved a little closer, their lips almost touching as he whispered; ‘You’re always welcome.’

Steve smiled softly and wanted to stand up, murmuring something about going to bed, but before he could even lift a foot to set his first step, he lost his balance and fell flat on his back on Tony’s bed. ‘Oh my god, Tony,’ he suddenly laughed loudly. ‘I’m so sorry. I’m such a piece of shit right now, I’m fucking drunk.’ 

‘You don’t say,’ Tony chuckled somewhat awkwardly as he had never dared to hear the blond talk like this. ‘Listen, Steve, you can just sleep here if you want to.’

Steve looked up and smiled childishly. ‘That would be just great, thanks.’ He then opened his eyes wide as if realizing something and pointed at his friend. ‘No silly business, though! No touchy!’

‘No touchy,’ Tony laughed, raising a hand while placing his other on his heart. ‘I promise.’ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG, I almost forgot!
> 
> To all our dearest readers, to each and everyone who takes time out of their busy schedule to read this fic, we would like to say the following:
> 
> It is time for a party  
> And presents and things  
> To make our loved ones happy  
> And give their hearts wings!
> 
> Ladies and gentlemen, it's Christmas and may your days be merry and white.  
> Also, if you are out of white, try moving on to the red wine like I do ;)
> 
> We wish you all a fun, loving, merry, happy, healthy fan-fic filled Christmas!


	11. The Hopeful and the Hungry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone,
> 
> I would like to give all of you a little (and late) Christmas present! :D  
> So what better to give to you all than a new chapter of this fic. :)
> 
> Dearest readers, I am very happy to see that you all survived the Christmas holidays and I truly hope to see you again after new year!

Being true to his word, Tony let the captain sleep next to him in his king-size bed without touching him.

Well, without touching him _inappropriately_ , anyway. He was quite sure that Steve would not mind him holding his hand or, as the blond was vast asleep, wrap his arms around him. 

Tony inhaled deeply, taking in the man’s scent and holding it for a few seconds before breathing out.

He let his hands explore the captain’s body, feeling every relaxed muscle he could get his hands on. He felt his heartbeat increasing as he moved his hands underneath Steve’s shirt, letting them trail over rock-hard abs. He then looked up at the captain as a thought came to his mind. He slowly ventured lower, one hand now softly stroking the blond’s cock through the fabric of his pants. 

Tony’s eyes darted from the man’s tranquil expression to the bulge that was slowly swelling beneath his fingers, a delighted smirk forming on his face as he heard Steve’s breathing becoming heavier. 

‘God, you’re beautiful, Steve,’ The playboy whispered softly as he felt a heat flaring below his waist. 

Knowing the captain was out cold from the heavy liquor, the playboy dared to press a soft kiss in the crook of the man’s neck, his hand still moving in gentle motions between the blond’s legs.

Tony’s panting breath haunted over Steve’s skin, a lustful grin forming on his face as he felt the captain squirm beneath his touch. However, as the playboy looked up, his smile disappeared. Steve was still asleep, but he was frowning heavily, his expression showing nothing but discomfort as he was squirming to get out of the playboy’s grip.

‘Oh, come on, honey, don’t give me that,’ Tony murmured softly, almost in a plea as he got on his hands and knees. He settled himself between Steve’s slightly parted legs, making sure the blond could not close them as he now started to untie the string that kept the captain’s pants from falling from his hips. ‘I’ll make sure you’ll feel really good, I promise.’ 

Tony’s hot breath caressed Steve’s skin before lifting the man’s shirt and pressing sloppy kisses against his bared stomach. In the meantime, he had succeeded in untying the knot from the captain’s sweatpants and tried to move them down his hips.

‘Come on Rogers, work with me, damn it,’ he growled in frustration as Steve let out a soft whimper and weakly moved his legs, preventing the playboy from lowering his pants.

‘Fuck!’ Tony cursed harshly and glared at the pale figure beneath him. He grabbed the blond’s squirming legs and roughly pinned them down on the matrass, his fingers digging into soft skin with enough force to leave it bruised. At this forceful move, Steve froze. His muscles tensed completely, his breathing soft and hardly perceptible. 

Tony stared at the frozen man beneath him before a loving smile showed on his face again. ‘You have to work with me, sweetheart,’ he whispered tenderly, his hands now moving towards the captain’s hips again. ‘I love you, Steve.’ He leaned forward, his body now hovering over that of the captain as he whispered softly in his ear. ‘And I know that you love me too. I know you want this.’ 

Blinded by a poisonous concoction of love and lust, Tony pulled down the blond’s pants and underpants to his hips and admired every inch of exposed body.

‘I love you, Steve,’ Tony moaned as his fingers crept between the man’s thighs, almost penetrating his entrance. ‘And you will love me.' 

Tony found himself drifting in pleasure and desire and he had no intend of stopping it. He wanted Steve, _his_ Steve, moaning and yearning for his touch. The playboy’s heart was racing, pumping blood through his body at rapid speed while he panted and tensed in excitement. 

Until he hears a soft sob. 

He looked up, a trembling breath snapping him straight out of primitive craving. 

Steve seemed to be still asleep, but as Tony was so preoccupied with his own needs, he had not noticed the tears that were slowly trickling down the captain’s temple, only to disappear in his hairline.

‘Steve, baby,’ Tony whispered as he looked absolutely horrified. He moved his hands, tenderly cupping the man’s cheeks, ‘What has that bastard Barnes done to you that makes you so scared?’ 

Tony held on to Steve’s face even though he felt the captain trying to move his head. ‘Ssh, it’s okay honey, I’m here for you.’ He whispered, pressing a gentle kiss against the captain’s lips. He then lay back down next to Steve, his arms wrapping around the blond’s body and pulling him against his chest. ‘I’ll make sure nobody will hurt you,’ he whispered, one hand now amiably moving through his hair. ‘You’re mine and I’ll never let you go, Rogers.’ He kissed the captain on his temple, ‘I will never let you leave me again.’

Tony smiled as he heard Steve’s sobs slowly dying and he found himself secretly begging to all the gods he could possibly think of for this night to never end. 

But his prayers were in vain. 

The next morning, Steve was already out of the playboy’s arms and bed before he had opened his eyes. Tony searched frantically throughout the compound as he couldn’t find the captain anywhere and eventually asked J.A.R.V.I.S. if he had seen the man. 

It turned out that Steve was outside, scanning through the woods surrounding the compound during daylight, only to come back inside as it became too dark to search. 

And that was how the captain filled his days for weeks. 

Steve was either in his room, searching through old documents from both S.H.I.E.L.D. and Hydra to find clues to where Bucky could possibly be, or he was outside trying to chase a man that now seemed nothing more but a ghost from his past. 

Tony managed to be patient. He knew that this was going to happen, he knew that the stubborn and righteous man would not give up on his lover so easily, so, instead of trying to talk him out of the search, he decided to join in. 

He pretended to help Steve to look for leads. He pretended to search through suspicious locations, even traveling to other countries. Wakanda, Sokovia, Russia, Tony was just happy to spend all this together with the one he loved, pretending to be just as disappointed as the captain when all their efforts would lead up to nothing.

Time passed, slowly, and eventually Tony’s patience started to run out. 

It was New Year’s Eve when the playboy walked into the common room, finding the captain lying on the couch. His eyes were closed, piles of documentations surrounding him just like every other night. 

Tony smiled softly as he saw the man’s chest move in a gentle motion. 

‘Steve,’ he whispered as he crouched down next to him. ‘Come on, Rogers, wake up. I’m not gonna let you sleep through the magical hour.’

The blond let out a soft grumble before slightly opening his eyes. ‘Tony,’ his voice was soft and drowsy. ‘Wha- what happened? What time is it? Did I fell asleep?’ 

‘Sure did, old man,’ Tony chuckled, helping the captain to sit up straight. ‘Listen, it’s almost eleven o’clock. Why don’t you take a shower, get dressed properly and we can celebrate New Year’s together, just you and I?’ 

‘Yeah, celebrate…’ The captain repeated sluggishly, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands. ‘I don’t know Tony, I don’t really feel like celebrating anything. I think I’ll just go to bed.’ 

Tony let out an imperceptible sigh in irritation, only to quickly force a smile on his face again. ‘Come on, cap. I bet you can’t even sleep through all the noise from the fireworks. Might as well be here to enjoy them?’ 

Steve remained silent for a moment, the only thing, or rather, person, he could think of being Bucky. He had tried so hard to find the soldier. He wanted to talk to him so bad, to tell him that he would help him, that they could work together on whatever it was that the soldier was going through. But most of all, he wanted to tell him how much he loved him. Even after all that’s happened, even after all they have been through together, Steve still loved him so much.

He would love him to the end of the line.

‘I’m really sorry, Tony,’ he eventually muttered with a beaten-down sigh, a sudden overwhelming desire for Bucky’s warm and loving embrace nearly bringing tears to his eyes. ‘I just don’t feel like it.’ 

Tony stared after the captain as he stood up, following the blond with his eyes as he walked towards the bedroom halls. With a deadly glare he jumped up from the couch and grabbed the captain by his wrist, only to smile again as the blond turned around in surprise. ‘Listen, Steve, I _really_ would like for you to join me tonight. Please.’ 

Steve confusedly blinked his eyes as he noticed his friend’s grip on his wrist tightening. ‘I, uhm,’ he stuttered, a bit lost for words. ‘S-sure, Tony, if it really means that much to you. I’ll just take a shower and be right back,’ he said softly as he was slightly taken aback by the fact that he had to force a smile on his face towards his friend.

‘Great,’ Tony said as he let go of the captain’s wrist, the tension that lingered in the air only seconds ago now completely gone. ‘I’ll clean up your mess here,’ he gestured with a smirk at the piles of documentations spread across the floor and coffee table. ‘So you just go take a nice shower and I’ll see you in a minute.’

Tony waited for the captain to leave the room and quickly turned around. He grabbed two glasses from the kitchen cabinet and placed them on the coffee table, filling one with Asgardian liquor and the other with champagne. 

He stared at his glass with slight hesitation, only to down it in one big gulp, letting out a deep sigh as he felt the alcohol burning through his gullet. 

Surely one drink wouldn’t hurt, and neither would two, or three for that matter. Tony cursed at himself as he placed his empty glass next to the one he had filled with mead. He held up the bottle of champagne and noticed that half of it was already empty after he had downed his sixth glass.

Already starting to feel light-headed, he moved back to the common room and started on collecting all the files which were scattered everywhere. He blinked his eyes heavily as he crouched down, quickly grabbing on to the couch as he nearly fell face first to the floor. 

He shook his head and tried to focus on this evening’s event. It will be perfect, just the two of them, watching the fireworks. A warm feeling stirred in the playboy’s chest and although he did not know whether it was his undying love or the alcohol raging, he just smiled brightly, feeling like a hopeless idiot as he did so. 

He reached out to the table and grabbed a handful of notes and documentations;

_“S.H.I.E.L.D. CASE 2.7 - 0: SERGEANT JAMES B. BARNES”_

Tony shook his head and tried to ignore the anger that sparked in his core as he read the title of the document. He thought of the captain and felt the smile creeping on his face again. They could drink together, enjoying the rest of the evening in each other’s company and celebrate a new start for the both of them. He grabbed another pile of papers;

_“S.H.I.E.L.D. REPORT 20.9 - 1: SOKOVIA ACCORD FAILED”_

Tony’s hands started to tremble as he once again was confronted with the ghosts of his past. He felt a tear forming in his eye as he tried to continue gathering Steve’s notes and files. He felt that little spark of anger growing, restless and vengeful, but he tried to force it back down.

He was with Steve now, and that was all that mattered. Bucky was gone, out of their lives, leaving Tony together with the one he held so dearly.

_“S.H.I.E.L.D. CASE 11.3 - 5: WINTER SOLDIER – CLASSIFIED”_

Tony crumbled in on himself as he read the title of yet another file, his hands now tightly clasped around the stack of paperwork he had collected, causing it to crease. 

The soldier was not gone. Bucky was still a big part of Steve’s life and thus of Tony’s. No matter what the playboy would do now, no matter what he would say, Barnes still managed to keep his captain away from him. 

Blame it on the alcohol, or on years of unconditional and unreciprocated love, but it was at that moment that something snapped deep inside Tony. 

He would destroy each and every bit of evidence of the soldier’s existence, starting with all these old and useless files. He phased towards the fireplace, rage keeping him from falling over, Steve’s notes still in his hands. He impatiently waited for the fire to flare as he threw a few more logs on the already smoldering wood, the flames instantly warming his skin. He grabbed the files, throwing them in the fire one by one and watched them burn until there was nothing left.

All Steve’s notes, weeks of hard work, gone within seconds. 

Being caught in a trance of dancing flames, Tony stared at the charring papers, a smile creeping up on his face when he saw a picture of the man he loathed so deeply burn and turn to ash. 

‘Tony?’ 

The playboy looked up, now meeting Steve’s gaze who was standing in the door opening. The captain was wearing a light grey suit with a crystal white dress shirt underneath, a pair of burgundy dress shoes completing the outfit, taking Tony’s breath away. 

‘So, what do you think?’ Steve asked timidly, showing of the suit which Tony gave him as a present for his birthday last year by awkwardly twisting his body. ‘It’s a bit too much, isn’t it?’ a slightly uncomfortable smile formed on his face as he rubbed the back of his head. After a moment of silence, Steve let out a sigh and carefully crouched down next to the playboy, feeling the warmth of the fireplace seep through his clothes. ‘You uhm, you okay? Surely the suit isn’t that horrible, is it?’

Tony stared as gorgeous azure eyes glistened with warm fire light, his mind blank leaving him to hear only the loud beating of his own heart. 

One kiss, surely that wouldn’t hurt anybody, or so Tony thought as he now laid his eyes on Steve’s slightly parted lips, alcohol keeping his mind from thinking clearly. ‘Yeah,’ he absentmindedly muttered, only to blink his eyes right after and bring himself back to reality. ‘I’m fine, Rogers, and you,’ he looked at the captain, gesturing at his suit with a sigh that was overflowing with love. ‘You look absolutely amazing.’ He stood up and grabbed the champagne glasses from the coffee table, making sure to hand the one with Asgardian liquor to the captain. ‘I’m really glad you decided to stay up and celebrate the start of a new year with me, Steve.’ 

‘I’m just happy you still want me here,’ Steve chuckled as he took the glass from Tony’s hand and took a few sips. 

Tony smiled, watching the captain relax. ‘Jarvis,’ he looked the captain up and down, admiring the man’s body wrapped up in the suit, like a Christmas present ready to be torn open. ‘can you give us some nice music?’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so that's it for this chapter, thank you all for reading and I really hope you enjoyed it :D
> 
> As I said before, I will try my best to post the next chapter on new year's day so I really hope to see all of you in 2019,  
> and finally, please, PLEASE be cautious with fireworks, I can completely understand that you want to be like Thor or Bucky, but to lose an eye or arm to fireworks just might be a bit much :)
> 
> Have a safe, happy, awesome and marvelous 2019 guys! :D


	12. Lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone and OMG I have finally finished chapter 12!
> 
> I had already written this chapter before New year's and wanted to post it on the first of January.   
> But as I read it again... and again, before posting it, I came to realize I really didn't like it... so I re-wrote the entire chapter, twice.
> 
> That's why it took me so long to upload this, I'm so sorry! 
> 
> Anyway, before you continue, I would like to give a heads up for this chapter as it is very graphic... or at least, that was what I was going for.   
> This chapter will have a "happy"-ish ending though, so you can keep that in mind :)
> 
> Now, without further ado, here's chapter 12!

‘Can I have this dance, captain?’ Tony asked as he stretched out his hand, waiting for the captain to offer him is own. 

‘Dance?’ Steve asked in surprise, now hearing the soft and gentle 40’s tunes that played in the background.

‘Yeah, dance,’ Tony chuckled as he took Steve’s hesitant hand in his own and guided him gently towards an open space in the room, his eyes never averting from the blond’s gaze. ‘Surely you know how to dance, Rogers. Come on, show me.’ He smiled, the warmth of the fireplace and alcohol leaving a red blush on his cheeks. 

‘Uh,’ Steve hesitated for a moment, wondering why he felt so reluctant to the playboy’s offer as he felt the man’s body lingering against his own. ‘Sure,’ he eventually smiled. ‘Why not?’ he placed one hand in that of the playboy, his other hand now resting on the small of the man’s back. ‘Interesting choice of music, for a modern tech genius.’ He noted with a chuckle, trying to shake off this uncomfortable feeling. 

‘What can I say,’ Tony shrugged, a nonchalant smile on his face. ‘I just know what you like, cap.’ He took a few small steps, letting the captain guide their movement and set the pace. A content smile forming on his face as he stared into sapphire blue eyes. 

‘Thanks for cleaning up my mess, Tony,’ Steve looked around him, the tidied and empty room leaving to sigh as melancholic memories of his fellow Avengers, who once used to walk this very floor as well, stirred in his mind. ‘Where did you put the files, anyway?’ he then asked, forcing himself back into the present. 

‘Oh they, uh,’ Tony blinked his eyes a couple of times as he stared in the distance, a blank expression on his face as he fought the effects of the alcohol that kept his brain from coming up with an answer. ‘I put them away, for now, somewhere, so don’t worry about it.’ 

‘O-kay,’ Steve answered slowly and frowned. He took another step to the side as he moved to the slow rhythm of the music, letting out a short yelp in surprise as his friend tripped over his own feet and fell in his arms. ‘Woow, Tony, you okay?’ he asked worriedly as he felt the man’s entire body weight leaning heavily against him. 

‘Yeah, I’m- I’m fine,’ Tony quickly smiled after he took a minute to realize what happened, his head now resting against the captain’s chest as he had wrapped his arms around the man’s waist. ‘I just-’ he started, trying to get back on his unsteady feet again. ‘Sorry, I slipped.’ 

‘That’s okay,’ Steve made sure to support his friend properly by holding him close, causing Tony to close his eyes for a second and listen to the blond’s soothing heartbeat. ‘Tony?’ Steve asked gently, hoping to get the playboy’s attention. ‘Tony, could you just-’ he tried again but stopped mid-sentence as he felt a pair of hands slowly lowering down the small of his back to his ass. ‘Tony!’ he called out, louder this time as he now cupped the playboy’s face in his hands, forcing him to look at him. ‘Could you please stop doing that?’ 

‘God, you’re so perfect, Rogers,’ Tony murmured in the captain’s hands, a grin on his face as he pressed his body tightly against that of the blond.

‘Tony, have you… have you been drinking?’ Steve asked, squinting his eyes as he tried to move the playboy’s hands from his body as gently as he could.

‘Wha-? No, no I don’t have an alcohol problem, darling.’ Tony laughed loudly as he innocently raised his hands in the air. He staggered on his feet, trying his best to keep himself from falling as the world around him was spinning. 

‘That’s not what I was trying to imply,’ Steve sighed after taking a few steps back. ‘You think you’re okay for tonight, or…?’

‘I’m perfectly fine, Steve, no problemo.’ Tony walked towards the side table and raised his champagne glass. ‘Here’s to you, Rogers.’ He smiled brightly. ‘To you, me, and us!’ 

‘I don’t think you should-’ Steve tried as he raised a hand to stop his friend, only to lower it again as he saw the playboy downing the drink with a few big gulps. 

‘You know- you know what, Steve?’ Tony slurred his words as he wobbled towards the blond with big steps, pressed his body against him as he nearly fell over again. He leaned heavily against the other man, letting his hands trace over Steve’s chest before wrapping his arms smoothly around his neck. He let out a hot breath as his lips trailed over the sensitive skin of Steve’s neck only to stop near his ear and let out a sultry whisper; ‘You’re so hot. You turn me on so much.’ 

Steve’s face insentiently grew bright red, a violent shudder running down his spine as Tony nibbled on the shell of his ear while panting. ‘Tony, you’re drunk,’ he concluded determinately, ‘please stop this, you’ll regret it in the morning.’ 

‘No I won’t,’ Tony smirked as he lowered his kisses to the blond’s jawline, his hands now feverishly moving over his strong abdomen. ‘I regret not having done this sooner.’ 

Steve yelped softly as he felt a cold hand now roughly groping his hips and ass, nails trailing over his skin through the fabric of his suit. ‘Tony, stop,’ his voice never sounding so sure, more insecure and less stead-vast, ‘Please.’ 

But the playboy did not listen, deafened to the captain’s words by love, lust and liquor. He did not move an inch as he wrapped his arms around the captain’s neck again and pulled him closer to press his lips against those of the blond. With his legs now forcibly intertwined with those of the captain, Tony let out a soft moan as he felt the friction of expansive fabric against his half-hard cock. 

Steve let out a rough sound in protest, his mouth sealed tight as he felt the playboy’s tongue brushing against his lips. ‘Okay, Tony, that’s it,’ He grabbed his friend by his shoulders and pushed him back. ‘You’re completely waisted, I’m bringing you to bed.’

'Wha-?’ Tony whined, the sound forming out of dissatisfaction and need as he let himself grow heavy again in the captain’s grip. ‘I am not going to bed, Steve, not unless,’ a sassy grin suddenly formed on his face, his brown eyes now staring straight at the captain. ‘Not unless you come with me!’ 

‘I _am_ coming with you,’ Steve let out a restrained sigh, wrapping one arm around the playboy’s waist to support him as they walked. ‘I’m helping you to your bed.’ 

‘Yay,’ Tony said sluggishly but then could not help himself from letting out a loud chuckle.

*****

The compound was large, it always had been, providing great bedrooms, training facilities and state of the art technology that Steve still wasn’t quite sure of how to use. But as the captain now had to drag his friend through the long hallways, the building just seemed even bigger than before, causing him to grumble softly. As Tony seemed to wobble more and more with each step that he took, Steve eventually decided to just throw him over his shoulder, carrying him around until they were finally standing in front of the playboy’s bedroom. 

‘Okay, Tony, could you please stop squirming?’ The captain asked as he tried to open his door, but as Tony just kept laughing and writhing in his arms Steve turned to someone else. ‘Jarvis, could you please help me out here?’ 

‘Certainly, captain Rogers,’ The artificial voice sounded and the door to Tony’s room opened smoothly. 

Steve entered the bedroom, his friend still hanging in his arms. ‘There you go,’ he huffed, placing Tony on his bed as carefully as he could. He tried to free himself from the man’s grip, only to feel his arms wrapping around his neck even tighter. ‘Tony, let go of me,’ he chuckled softly as he was now hopelessly bending over his friend. 

‘I’m not letting you go, Rogers,’ Tony murmured, his lips now close against the blond’s neck again. ‘I’m never letting you go.’ A smirked formed on his face as he pulled Steve on his bed with a rough jerk, causing the man to lose his balance and fall next to him on the soft matrass.

‘Tony,’ Steve smiled a bit nervously as the playboy pushed him on his back, greedy hands working their way under his shirt and up his chest. ‘W-what are you doing?’ he asked, a hint of insecurity unbalancing his voice 

‘I’m doing what I should have done a long time ago,’ Tony whispered, his warm breath caressing pale skin underneath him. He got on his hands and knees, pinning the captain down with his body as he took hold of his wrists and straddled his lap. ‘I love you, Steve,’ he threw his head in the nape of the blond’s neck, playfully biting the man’s flesh. 

‘You-?’ Steve started in confusion as he frowned, a million questions instantly raging through his mind, all fighting to be the first to leave his lips. His thoughts were soon cut off as he felt the playboy’s teeth digging harder into his skin, even draining blood. ‘Tony, stop it, that hurts.’ he tried to move beneath the playboy’s surprisingly strong grip, only to find his efforts in vain. Tony growled against his neck, his teeth digging deeper into his soft flesh, causing Steve to flinch as a jolt of pain shot through his body. ‘Let me go, now.’ 

‘No,’ Tony was quick to respond, his voice now dark and determined. ‘I am never letting you go again.’ He removed his teeth from the captain’s flesh, carefully licking the wounds that he had left, his tongue making its way over the torn skin like a snake hunting its pray. He then looked up, his cold gaze falling upon the one he loves so dearly. He scanned Steve’s face, noticing how a thin layer of cold sweat had started to glisten his skin, how once tranquil and loving sapphires were now tainted with dread and incomprehension. ‘You will always be mine, Rogers,’ he whispered as he pressed his blood-covered lips against the pale ones of the captain. 

Steve’s breath quickened, his chest heaving as he tried to grasp what was happening. This was not the Tony he knew, this was not the friend he had come to trust with his life. He felt his body shiver softly as he tasted the foul coppery flavor of his own blood in his mouth as the playboy thrusted his tongue in. 

Steve moved his head, trying to evade the playboy’s intrusion. ‘Tony,’ he whispered softly against the man’s lips, his voice never sounding so small. ‘I- I don’t understand, why are you doing this?’ 

‘Did you not hear what I just said?’ Tony panted as he raised his head, his mouth smeared with the captain’s blood as he smiled amiably at the man trembling in his grip. ‘I am doing this because I love you.’

‘H-how long?’ Steve asked, his fingertips tingling as if stabbed by a thousand needles as his blood flow was cut short by Tony’s grip. ‘For how long have you- have you felt like this?’

‘From the very first moment I laid my eyes on you,’ Tony smiled, his cheeks glowing as both love and liquor coursed through his body, making him pour his heart out. ‘When you were fighting Reindeer Games in Germany and I came to your help, you even called me “Mister Stark” back then,’ Tony chuckled softly as he led the memories flood his mind. He smiled though his eyes were hollow and cold, ‘Do you remember that, Steve?’

‘I- I do, b-’ 

‘From the first time I saw you, I just knew you were special,’ he let his eyes trail over the blond’s body, his gaze locking on pale skin that showed as the captain’s shirt was raised, showing off his strong muscles. ‘Well, special besides the fact you were a super soldier, of course.’ He chuckled. ‘Yeah, despite every fight we fought, every argument we had, I just knew,’ He shook his head as he stated what was plain for him to see. ‘We were meant to be, Rogers.’ 

Steve stared at his friend as the words of the playboy slowly sank into his blank mind, his voice soft as he asked his next question, ‘but why now? Why tell me now and not then…?’ 

‘Because I am scared,’ The playboy uttered so softly that Steve could hardly hear him, his smile never leaving his face. ‘Everyone left me, Rogers. One by one, they all went their separate ways and left me behind.’

Steve’s heartbeat finally slowed down a little as he heard the desperation which disrupted his friend’s voice. His chest felt lest tight now that he was able to catch his breath again, though he felt like his heart was being torn apart as Tony continued. 

‘I thought you would leave me too, Steve,’ Tony muttered, fighting against a sob that threatened to take his breath. ‘I thought I would be alone again, that no one needed me anymore. The Avengers Initiative was over and without Iron Man I… I am nothing, no one.’

‘Tony…’ Steve whispered in compassion, now wishing for the first time that he could free his arms not to escape, but to wrap them around the man’s body. ‘I didn’t know, I…’ He started, now meeting his friend’s gaze who’s eyes had started to fill with tears. ‘You aren’t nothing,’ a kind smile formed on Steve’s face, ‘big man in a suit of armor, take that away and what are you?’ he asked the all too familiar question, waiting for his friend to give him the answer he back then never saw coming and used to hate.

‘I, I…’ Tony started as he recognized the question, the memory that was bound to it immediately playing in his head. He parted his lips, wanting to answer it but failed. 

‘-Genius, Billionaire, Playboy, Philanthropist,’ Steve said softly as he smiled, the trembling of his body now having come to a stop. ‘Remember ‘Tasha’s shrug at that?’ 

Tony gave an almost incomprehensible nod, the painful grip of his hands around the blond’s wrist now slightly loosening. ‘Yeah,’ he whispered. ‘I remember that.’ 

‘You aren’t a nobody,’ Steve’s words were kind, his voice strong but gentle. ‘Just because the group split up doesn’t mean we will forget. We all laughed together, we fought together, risking our lives for others, for each other.’ Steve moved his wrists as he felt blood pumping through his veins again and managed to slightly brush the playboy’s hand with the tip of his fingers. ‘No one left you, Tony, they just moved.’ 

The playboy remained silent, his eyes averted from the warm and caring sapphires.

He loved this man. 

With all his heart, with every fiber that created the being known as Tony, he loved him.

No matter what would happen, the blond would always be there for him. 

No matter how blinded he was, his vision clouded by sorrow, his world shattered by loneliness, his personality torn, slowly, painfully, by love and fear, Steve Grant Rogers would always be there for him, catching him and pulling him from the abyss that threatened to swallow him and wrap him in constant uncertainty and false security. 

He loved him so much it hurt. 

with a sob, the playboy let himself fall on the captain’s body, his hands still wrapped around his wrists as tears were rushing down his face.

‘Help me, Steve,’ he whispered softly as he laid on top of the man, trembling.

‘Please, help me.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it for now, I will try to post the next chapter in two or three days!  
> Please let me know what you think in the comments below! 
> 
> With kind regards and, for what it is worth, Happy New Year! :D


	13. Sweet Insanity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone and welcome back!
> 
> Thank you so much for waiting this long for a new chapter to upload, it really means a lot to me! :D
> 
> This chapter will continue where chapter 12 has ended, so, without further ado, here's chapter 13.

The two men lay on the bed for what felt like hours, the only sound audible in the room being their own breathing. 

Steve felt his shirt sticking to his chest as it was drenched with the tears of his friend. He stared at the ceiling, waiting for Tony to make any movement. 

But all Tony did was lie on top of him. Like a ragdoll, still and heavy, the man laid quietly, his mind blank as the alcohol slowly suffocated him. He parted his lips slightly, letting his tongue move over his dry lips before speaking, begging; ‘Please, Steve. Please help me.’ 

‘Of course I will help you.’ 

Tony let out a shivering breath in relief as the warmth of the captain’s words fell over his body like a soft blanket, comforting and safe. ‘Will you stay with me?’ 

‘I will.’

‘Forever?’

Steve chuckled softly, ‘You’re chatty and honest when you’re drunk, Stark.’ He wanted to move his hands and stroke the playboy’s back, but Tony’s grip on his wrists was still too strong. Of course he could easily free himself, he could force his friend to loosen his grip on his body, to make him move. But there was something about Tony that made Steve… reluctant. Tony was drunk, and that meant that he could be very unpredictable. 

Steve did not find himself in discomfort, not necessarily, so he decided to wait for his friend to move on his own accord or just fall asleep. 

‘You didn’t answer me,’ Tony’s voice was weary as he slurred his words, his mind drifting as he listened to Steve’s heartbeat. ‘You can’t leave me, cap.’ 

‘I’m not,’ the captain reassured though he felt a nagging feeling of unease brewing in his core. He frowned in concern, becoming worried with his friend’s determent statements and desperate words. He never knew Tony had these kinds of feelings for him, and he never knew they were so strong. It was something in the playboy’s darkened voice that left Steve to uneasily and imperceptibly squirm in his strong grip. ‘However,’ he continued after swallowing down his nerves. ‘I do think you need help from someone besides me. I think you… you need a professional, a psychologist, maybe.’ 

A minute of silence followed as Tony let these words sink in, ‘I don’t need anyone else. I only need you.’ 

‘But I can’t help you. Not really, anyway,’ The blond looked down, hoping to meet Tony’s gaze but only saw his brown, tousled locks. ‘I will be here for you, Tony,’ He spoke softly, ‘and I will support you in every way I possibly can. But I do think you should see someone for this.’ 

‘For loving you?’ 

‘For-’ Steve held his breath for a moment as he though how best to reply to the tensed words of his friend, a shiver running down his spine as he felt drops of blood slowly dripping down his neck from Tony’s earlier biting. ‘For helping you understand and process all these feelings.’ 

Another silence followed, and Tony sighed. ‘Well, as long as you are with me,’ he looked up through his lashes, hoping to hear the captain reply with the words he knew meant the world to him.

‘I am with you.’ 

Tony gritted his teeth, hope slipping through his fingers like lose sand as he had thought the blond would add a few more words to that sentence. He wanted Steve to help him, to be by his side forever, to be with him till the end of the line. 

The playboy tensed his fingers slightly as he stared at the wall again, harsh reality hitting him as he came to realize that those words, that sentence, were meant for one man, and one man only. 

Bucky. 

‘I could help you find someone to talk with, if you want,’ The blond kindly offered, not noticing the slight tensioning of his friend’s muscles. ‘Maybe I could introduce you to the psychologist Bucky goes to, o-or at least, he used to go to.’ Steve remained silent as the image of his boyfriend formed before his eyes. Bucky was smiling at him, his gentle brown eyes reflecting warmth and affection. He held his arms open, beckoning Steve into his tranquil embrace. The blond smiled, now wishing he could move his hands from Tony’s grip to wipe away the tear that had furtively formed in his eye. ‘I’m sure he’ll start his therapy again once he’s back.’ 

Tony shivered as the name hit his ears. ‘No thank you,’ he muttered, managing to keep his teeth from clenching. 

‘You sure? Cause Buck told me his psychologist was actually really good, and believe me, that means a lot coming from him.’ Steve chuckled softly, the smile on lips then slowly fading as he felt a sudden overwhelming desire for the soldier’s safe embrace. ‘He uhm, he really hated going to the psychologist at first…’

‘I don’t need a fucking psychologist, Steve,’ Tony growled, his voice louder than he intended as he still had little control over his mind and body due to the alcohol. ‘I am nothing like that freak, I am better than him.’

‘That freak…?’ Steve repeated with a frown. ‘Tony, getting help doesn’t make you any lesser than anybody else, and it certainly does not make you a “freak.”’ 

‘That’s not what I meant,’ The playboy muttered as he let his head rest on the captain’s chest. ‘I don’t want to talk about it anymore, cap.’ 

‘… I understand,’ Steve stared at the ceiling again. 

Slow minutes went by in complete silence, the air filling with tension with every tick of the clock hanging on wall. 

‘Tony?’ 

‘Hm?’ 

‘You think he’ll come back?’ 

‘No,’ Tony stated curtly, his voice cold as Steve tensed beneath his body. ‘He won’t come back, Steve. And he clearly doesn’t want to be found, so give it up.’ 

‘Give up?’ Steve repeated disconcertedly. ‘No, we can’t give up now,’ He wanted to sit up straight but felt Tony’s grip growing stronger. ‘I found a few more leads, I wrote them down in my notebook. I was hoping we could look at them tomorrow.’

‘Put it to rest, Rogers.’ Tony hissed, his anger only growing stronger as he heard the spark of hope that lifted the blond’s voice.

‘But the new leads, I’m sure if we follow them, we will be able to find Bu-’ 

Not being able to hear that horrid name one more time, Tony interrupted the captain, and shouted; ‘I burned them!’ 

Steve’s world stopped as Tony’s words slowly dawned on him. He blinked his eyes, trying to understand what his friend was telling him, ‘You…’ his mind fell completely blank, leaving his voice small and uncertain. ‘You burned them?’

‘Yes,’ Tony replead as he found his calm again. It was only now that the playboy finally raised his head, looking the captain straight in the eye. ‘I burned it, Steve. All of it. All your notes, all the files.’

‘That’s not true…’ Steve whispered softly, his gaze frantically scanning his friend’s peaceful appearance. 

‘Both S.H.I.E.L.D. and Hydra reports,’ Tony continued. ‘Pictures.’ 

‘It’s not true…’ 

‘It’s nothing but ash now,’ The playboy looked at the blond, a caring smile forming on his face as the other man had fallen completely silent. Tony shifted his weight, letting go of Steve’s wrists as he now sat op straight again, straddling his lap. ‘I know you won’t understand now, Steve.’ He whispered softly, his cold hands holding the man’s face, ‘but I had to do it. For you.’ 

As these words vibrated through the air, Tony felt two hands colliding against his chest. ‘IT’S NOT TRUE!’ Steve shouted, violently pushing the man he thought was his friend from his body. He turned the tables, Tony now pressed deep into the matrass as Steve took a crushing hold on his shoulders. ‘You’re lying Tony! Tell me you’re lying!’ 

‘It’s over, Steve,’ Tony made it sound like it was something to rejoice, like a heavy burden was finally lifted from their shoulders. ‘You can let go of him now.’

‘No!’ The blond shouted, Tony’s tranquility and dull smile only working like oil on a raging fire. ‘How could you do this to me?!’ Tears filled the blond’s eyes and slowly trickled down his cheeks to his strong jawline. He gritted his teeth, shaking Tony even harder by his shoulders. 

Tony let out a sharp growl in pain, feeling like his shoulders are about to get crushed under the Super Soldier’s brute grip. ‘Steve, stop,’ he tried to remain calm, ‘you’re not listening, I did this for-’ 

‘Don’t!’ Steve interrupted him. ‘Don’t you dare say that you did this for me! Don’t you dare say this was for my own good!’ his grip became stronger. ‘Do you really hate him that much?! That you would destroy every chance of me finding him again?!’ 

‘Rogers-’ 

‘I will never stop looking for him, Tony!’ Steve bared his teeth, tears streaming down his eyes as he had never felt such rage course through his veins. ‘I will find him, even if it will be the last thing that I do!’ His hands were shaking, as did the rest of his body. He shut his eyes and tried to steady his breathing, but an overwhelming anger consumed him as he stared into the playboy’s eyes again. ‘I HATE YOU!’ 

It was at that moment that Tony felt like his world had stopped turning. 

He stared at the man hovering over him and saw how his lips kept moving, but he was death to his words. He noticed how he was roughly shaken by his shoulders, but he did not feel the captain’s devastating grip on his body. He saw how tears moved down Steve’s face, one after another, but he could not interpret the man’s sorrow. 

All that he heard, all that was his world, were those three words that the blond just screamed at him. 

‘You’re not listening,’ Tony mumbled softly, not knowing whether the captain heard him. ‘You should listen to me.’ He ignored the captain’s raging questions and turned his attention towards the nightstand next to his bed. ‘Jarvis, Mark 51.2, now.’ 

Without conformation of the AI, the drawer of Tony’s nightstand shot open, four small, red rings bursting straight for the captain’s wrists and ankles. 

Before Steve could react, before he could even grasp what was happening, the fine rings expanded, turning them into iron shackles. The blond looked at the shining and cold metal before glaring at the playboy again, who seemed cold and distant. Steve’s blood was boiling, though not only with rage, for uncertainty and confusion were now added into the violent mixture that drove his body. He parted his lips to demand an explanation, but before he knew it, the shackles had roughly thrown him on his back on the mattrass like magnets pulling towards each other. 

‘Tony!’ the blond continued to shout as the playboy now moved calmly to the edge of the bed. ‘Get these damn things off me!’ 

Tony didn’t hear his shouting, his mind racing over what to do next, ‘You need to calm down, Rogers. I can’t talk to you like that.’ 

‘Calm down?!’ Steve struggled against his restraints, nearly tearing the skin on his wrists as he tried to pull himself free. ‘How the hell am I supposed to calm down?!’ The bed was shaking underneath his attempts to break free, the wooden frame creaking loudly as the captain came to notice that the iron cuffs would not budge. He panted, shouted, strained every muscle to tear himself free from the iron grip, his eyes suddenly showing nothing but panic as he wondered why on earth Tony would have these kinds of gadgets on standby in his nightstand. ‘Tony, get these things off me, please!’ his voice was now on the brink of desperation as he finally started to grasp what his friend had done. 

‘I created these Marks for other reasons, you know,’ Tony smiled as he sat next to Steve on the edge of his bed. He turned around, his hand now trailing the captain’s chest. ‘Though I guess it doesn’t differ all that much…’ 

‘Tony, please,’ the captain pleaded, tears now rushing down his temple and into his hairline. 

‘Ssh, easy, Rogers,’ The playboy hushed, trying to comfort the despairing blond by amiably moving his fingers through his hair. ‘I know you don’t understand now, but you will, in time.’ 

‘Why did you do it?’ Steve’s voice crumbled as he now fully realized that all his leads, his last hope of finding the man he loves so much, were gone. ‘Why…?’ 

‘Because that man was no good for you,’ Tony sat down on his knees next to the captain, his hands now cupping the man’s cheeks as he wiped some tears from his face with his thumbs. 

Steve managed to blink his eyes, clearing his blurry vision from tears to look at his friend. He shivered at the genuine warmth that shone in the playboy’s eyes, a cold sweat forming on his skin at Tony’s loving smile. 

‘I love you, Rogers,’ Tony continued in his attempt to calm the captain down. His honeyed words were dripping with love, his voice modulated in sympathy. ‘more than anyone ever has, and ever will.’ 

Steve’s world went black as he finally understood the playboy’s motivations. ‘So that is why you destroyed everything,’ his voice strained as he shivered with cold, tension, hatred and defeat. ‘You don’t want me to find Bucky because you want me for yourself.’ 

‘Stop talking about him!’ The playboy suddenly shouted, he shifted his weight, now straddling the captain’s lap again as he gritted his teeth. His trembling fingertips were carefully touching the man’s cheeks like he was made out of the finest porcelain, a forced smile on his face as he pleaded, ‘For once, just stop.’ 

Steve bit down on his lip till he tasted blood, his blue eyes burning with rage as he glared at Tony. ‘I will never stop,’ never had his words been so cold and desolate. He slowly shook his head as he continued, ‘I love Bucky, and I will not rest till I find him.’ 

The playboy did not respond. His chest tightened, every breath hurting as he felt his heart burning in agony. His caring expression never left his countenance, though his eyes were now empty, drained from any form of emotion, like an old, broken doll. 

‘Now, let me go, Tony,’ Steve continue, tears disappearing from his eyes as he swore not to cry anymore.

‘…He took everything from me, Steve,’ Tony’s voice was nothing more but a soft whisper, his body trembling heavily. ‘Everything.’ He now focused on the captain’s gaze, his dark brown eyes shadowed with burning hatred as it spread through his body like wildfire. ‘I am not letting him take away you as well!’ He didn’t notice how his body was moving on its own, how he had let go of one of the blond’s face and had raised his fist. 

‘He did not take me away from you!’ Steve countered, ‘You did this yourself!’ 

‘That is not true! It is _not_ true! _He_ takes you away from me! _He_ ruins everything!’ Tony shouted in a frenzy. Love, lost, sorrow, despair and liquor, all keeping him from rationality. ‘He tried to murder our team! HE MURDERED MY FUCKING MOTHER!’ He continued, the fist that he had raised in the air now moving on its own accord. ‘I love you! He would destroy you! He would destroy _us_!’ 

As blood splattered in Tony’s face, he finally came to a stop. His eyes widened with horror and shock as he saw what had happened in his blinded rage. His breath froze, his heart turned to stone, precious rubies dripping from his raised fist. ‘Steve…?’


	14. Stop

Steve was trembling heavily under Tony’s body, his nostrils flaring as he desperately tried to gain oxygen. His left eye was shut tight, skin torn at his temple, his mouth slightly ajar as it filled with blood. He struggled to part his lips in a frantic attempt to cough, blood splattering on his chest and on Tony’s face.

‘Shit…’ Tony cursed under his breath, ‘No… no, no, no, no!’ He quickly moved aside, sitting down on his knees next to the blond. ‘Jarvis, let him go, now!’ As Tony shouted the order, the red cuffs that were tightly wrapped around Steve’s wrists and ankles fell apart. 

Without a moment to spare, the captain rolled to his side causing him to fall off the bed. He got on his hands and knees, blood pouring out of his mouth as he coughed heavily. His world was spinning, a jolt of pain shooting through his body like lightning as he moved his jaw. 

‘Steve!’ Tony threw himself on the floor next to the blond, ‘Steve, are you okay? God, I’m so sorry.’ He touched the captain’s face with the tip of his fingers only to retrieve them immediately as he heard the captain cry out in pain.

Steve let his head hang, blood steadily dripping from his mouth and nose, forming a small puddle on the wooden floor beneath him. His world was spinning, his senses numb as his head was throbbing. 

‘Shit!’ Tony cursed in frustration and despair. He moved his hand through his ruffled hair and tried to calm down. ‘If only you had listened!’ 

Steve looked up and tried to focus his blurry vision, thinking he heard the playboy’s words wrong. 

‘Steve, if you would have simply listened, none of this would have happened.’ Tony continued, feeling the blond’s bewildered eyes staring straight at his soul. ‘Don’t give me that look, sweetheart,’ he wrapped an arm around the captain’s shoulder. ‘If you would have just done as I told you, if you would have just stayed calm, then this-’ he gently touched the captain’s torn temple, causing the blond to flinch. ‘-would never have happened.’ 

Steve panted heavily, his body quivering as he tried to process every sensation. He like his skin was burning, though at the same time, it was as if he was falling straight into the freezing ocean that had mercilessly chained him for nearly seventy years. He wrapped a hand around his waist, his stomach heaving as all the tension and the coppery taste of blood left him sick. He got on his hands and knees, his back arching as he heaved blood and bile. Tears were stinging in his eyes again as the devastating pain in his jaw shot through his entire system. He barely managed to breathe, sobs disrupting his respiration. 

‘There, there,’ Tony placed his blood-covered hand on Steve’s shoulder, his other hand amiably moving through blond locks as he sat next to him. ‘That’s it, Rogers. Get it out of your system.’ He rubbed the man’s sweat-covered back, ‘you’ll feel better after some time, don’t worry.’ Steve noticed how the strength in his body failed him as Tony pressed his lips in his neck. He felt weak, his arms shaking as he nearly lost his balance. ‘And I’ll be here with you, _for_ you. Always.’

Steve shook his head, immediately regretting his action as his temple throbbed in pain. He managed to sit up straight, or at least somewhat, and looked the playboy in the eye. 

Tony gulped as he saw the captain’s infuriated and desperate gaze rest upon him. His eyes then wondering towards the fractured jaw that was still hanging slightly open. ‘Come on, Steve,’ he casted the man a warm smile. ‘you’ve had your moment of drama. Now, let’s go take care of those nasty wounds and get you to bed.’

But as Tony stood up and wanted to wrap a helping hand around the blond’s arm Steve viciously kicked against his arm. The captain tried to rise to his feet as Tony hissed in pain, but the damage the playboy had done to his head threw him off balance and straight to the ground again. 

‘Steve!’ Tony shouted, reaching out and grabbing the man’s arm as he tried to crawl away from him. ‘Stop it! You’ll only hurt yourself like this! You need me, cap!’ 

The blond panicked. He could hardly breath, he could hardly speak, a crushing pain shooting through his body with every movement he made. For the first time in ages he felt so small, so insignificant, like he was a fifteen-year-old kid again in a stinking back alley in Brooklyn. No Super Soldier Serum, no Captain America, no Avenger. He felt powerless. 

But still he tried to get away from the man’s touch. He refused to let Tony help him, he refused to just sit and listen to whatever deranged words the playboy would throw at him. 

He would never be able to live the life Tony wanted for them, and he would never give up on his search for Bucky, not even now that every last bit of hope on finding him was destroyed. 

‘Steve!’ Tony’s shout pulled the captain from his thoughts, the strong grip on his shoulder that pushed him against the wall caused him to cough loudly. ‘Look at me,’ Tony tried to sound kind and patient, though every syllable was dripping with insanity and desperation. ‘Look at me!’ he shouted as Steve tried everything to defy who he would now call his attacker. 

Tony gritted his teeth in anger, ‘Don’t ignore me!’ he grabbed the captain’s jaw between his fingers, causing Steve to utter a cry so loud Tony thought people could hear it from miles away. ‘Ssh, calm down, it’s okay, I got you.’ 

Steve would have scoffed at that last part if it wasn’t for the pain that Tony caused by holding on to his jaw. This devastating sensation left him weak, the blood that was welling in the back of his throat again blocked his oxygen supply. He coughed weakly, his struggle to free himself from the playboy’s grip slowly dying as he saw black spots appear in front of his eyes.

‘There you go, that’s it,’ Tony immediately loosened his hold now that Steve was showing no signs of fighting. He sighed deeply and sat down next to the captain against the wall. He pulled him against his chest and wrapped his arms around the blond to comfort him. ‘How can you be so cruel to me?’ he whispered as he gently rocked their bodies back and forth, ‘when I have been so good to you…’ 

Steve was too tired, too exhausted to fight against Tony’s embrace. He let his head rest against the man’s chest and closed his eyes. He tried to drift away, to make himself believe that he was in the arms of the one he loves. Bucky – his mechanical fingers softly massaging the back of his scalp, his laughter deep and warm as they lay on the couch in each other’s embrace, wondering over some new documentary on Netflix. 

_“I love you.”_

Steve would say to Bucky, and the soldier would smile at him.

Bucky would look at him, affection glistening in his deep brown eyes, and he would say- 

‘I love you too, Rogers.’ 

Steve’s eyes shot open as he heard the words spilling from the playboy’s mouth, ‘…What?’ 

‘I knew you would come to understand,’ Tony continued, his eyes, his lips, his very soul smiling at him in hopeless gratitude and incredulity. ‘I knew you would understand that that guy, that murderer is not the one for you.’ He chuckled softly as tears formed in his eyes. ‘God, look at us, Rogers.’ 

Steve remained silent as he stared at the playboy in utter perplexity, only now noticing the tears that had formed when he was thinking of his boyfriend. His eyes then widened even further as he had come to realize what had happened, ‘To-ny…’ he tried to call the man’s name, he tried to tell him that it was a mistake, that he had not meant to speak out loud. 

‘It’s okay,’ Tony hushed him quickly, pulling the captain even closer against him as he felt the blond’s hands pressing against his chest. ‘I know you are in pain, and, well, to hear you struggle to say those words-’ Tony wanted to continue, but eventually just shook his head with a bright smile and tightened his embrace. ‘I just don’t know what to say, Steve. I love you so much.’ 

The blond hissed as he was pressed against the playboy’s chest. He tried to figure out a way to tell the playboy that this was all a big mistake, a violent shiver running from the back of his neck all the way down to his toes as he could only imagine Tony’s reaction. With whatever strength the captain had left, he pushed himself from the playboy’s side and looked him in the eye. 

‘Steve?’ Tony’s questioning eyes gazed upon the blond, his loving smile never fading. ‘What’s wrong, sweetheart?’ 

Steve took a shivering breath the moment those chestnut-brown eyes stared at him, showing undying love and contentment, but Steve saw the paralyzing uncertainty that lingered underneath. ‘T-o…ny,’ Steve cursed at himself as even the smallest whisper and slightest movement of his jaw drained his energy. But he had to continue, no matter how dire the consequences were going to be, he had to tell Tony. ‘I-’ 

‘You know what,’ Tony suddenly interrupted, fearing the words that the captain had tried to utter. ‘I’ll go get you some ice. I bet that will help.’ He carefully moved his body so that the captain would be leaning against the wall now. ‘Stay here,’ he placed a kiss on Steve’s forehead and smiled. ‘I’ll be right back.’

Steve followed Tony’s movements until he was out of the bedroom. He let his head rest against the wall and closed his eyes as his deep and raspy breaths filled the air. He was exhausted and fought bravely against the lurking shadow that would pull him into unconsciousness. 

‘Bucky…’ he wondered whether he had actually managed to whisper his boyfriend’s name, or that it was all in his head. He looked around himself, a sudden overwhelming urge to get out of the room overwhelming him. It clenched his chest, it stirred his stomach, it set his heart to pump adrenaline through his body as he felt like he was given his one, and only, chance to escape. 

Steve pulled up his knees to get on his feet, he clawed at the wall in search of support. His world was spinning, his legs were weak, but he managed to set a few unsteady steps forward. It took him time, each and every step draining him, but he eventually made it to the hall. He looked around as he wondered where to go from here. 

He eventually decided to just walk, hoping a plan would form into his damaged brain as long as he kept moving. 

After a few feet of stumbling through the compound like an emotionless zombie the blond froze, hearing footsteps in the distance. 

Tony.

He frantically looked around himself, searching for the first door to go through to hide himself. His eyes eventually falling on a stairway that would lead him down to- … Steve cursed as he tried to remember but failed. 

‘Steve?’ 

A voice called in surprise, causing the blond to snap his head up and focus his blurry gaze. 

‘…What are you doing?’ 

The voice sounded agitated, restless. The sound of footsteps coming in closer, faster. 

Steve panted, his heart beating so loudly he could hear it drumming in his ears. He looked down at the staircase, the footsteps that echoed through the air now accelerating to a running phase. 

‘Steve! Don’t go down there!’ Tony commanded the man in his panic, his voice harsh and threatening. Steve could not go down there, he _must not_ go down there. For what lay at the bottom of those stairs was- 

Steve hurriedly fled down the staircase, the burgundy dress shoes that now matched so perfectly with the blood on his light-grey suit tapping loudly against the cold marble as he stumbled down. 

Steve heard Tony screaming for him to come back, his voice radiating fear and panic. 

The blond did not even dare to look over his shoulder. 

He pushed the heavy door open and slammed it shut right after he had passed through. He looked at his side, noticing the small display in the wall and recognized it as the control panel. _I’m sorry, Jarvis_ \- as he thought this the captain put all his strength into a punch, shattering the display into a thousand pieces. 

He let out a deep breath as his muscles relaxed slightly, now recognizing the room he was in as Tony’s workplace. The main lights were turned off, leaving the captain to navigate on the soft hues coming from all the machinery and gadgets surrounding him. 

Tony was still out there, and Steve knew he would not be able to keep him at bay for long, but he savored the idea of finally having a moment alone. A moment to let every spoken word sink in and figure out what to do next. Tony needed help, that much was clear, but at this point the captain did not know what to do to give him that. 

His brief moment of solitude was heavily disturbed as a sudden weave of suffocating stench hit his nostrils. 

Steve instantly felt sick, grabbing his stomach and placing his other hand to cover his mouth as the odor hit him. God, it was awful. 

‘Steve!’ Tony shouted as he slammed at the door. ‘Steve, open up!’ he gritted his teeth as he heard no answer. ‘Jarvis! Open this door, now!’ 

A soft hum filled the air as the AI tried to open the door, but it remained shut. 

‘Jarv?!’ 

‘My apologies, sir,’ the AI started. ‘but it seems like Captain Rogers has destroyed my control panel for this door. I am not able to open it.’ 

‘Fuck…’ Tony breathed as he stared at the metal that separated him from his loved one. ‘FUCK!’ 

The fetid air becoming stronger with every step Steve took. He heard Tony shout from the other side. He heard him curse, kick and slam against the door in a frantic attempt to get in, but the thick metal would not budge. 

He walked slow and careful steps, following the overwhelming stench until he stumbled upon the doors that would lead to Tony’s weapon storage closet. He tilted his head slightly as he wondered whether to continue or not, the smell becoming almost unbearable. 

He slowly raised his hand, his fingertips brushing against the door handle before taking a hold of it. He steadied himself, mentally preparing for whatever he would find inside.

He carefully opened the doors.

His eyes widened.

His heart stopped.

His world went blank as he gazed in absolute horror at the rotting body that was carelessly tossed onto a pile of armory prototypes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it for this chapter everyone.  
> I think the next one will be the last for this fic... and it's... it's not gonna be pretty...
> 
> Anyway, please let me know what your thought for this chapter in the comments and thank you, again, for spending your precious free time on this fic! ^^


	15. In the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone and welcome back, 
> 
> As some of you might have noticed, this will be chapter 15 out of 16, so there's still one more chapter after this one.  
> I don't know why, but it just felt right to break this chapter into two parts... I hope you'll agree with me once you've read the final chapter.
> 
> Anyway, I truly hope you will enjoy it! And thank you all again for your amazing comments, it really means a lot to me!

The sound of explosions came from outside, bright colors illuminating the room through the windows. Hues of red, gold, purple and blue interchanging and reflecting like sparkles in Tony’s eyes.

It was twelve o’clock. 

New Years. 

Tony lowered his arm, the red gauntlet wrapped around his hand still glowing softly as it had just blazed through the thick metal door that separated the playboy from his loved one.

He looked down in silence, his eyes resting upon the blond man who was kneeling on the cold floor. 

Steve’s arms were wrapped around the corpse that had been left to rot in Tony’s closet for weeks. 

And it had. 

The former being known as Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes was now nothing more but rotting flesh. The mechanical arm that once shone brightly, forged out of the most precious and strongest material on Earth, now laid motionlessly on the ground. What was once soft and warm skin had now become dark, almost black, slowly tearing apart and dripping from its carcass. The gentle and deep brown eyes, gone, leaving hollow sockets, crawling with maggots. 

It was this that Steve had wrapped in his arms as he sat on his knees on the floor. He was crying, shouting, frantic breaths leaving his mouth as he pushed the body closer against him, leaving it to only further fall apart. 

And the smell. 

The horrid, nauseating, ever-haunting stench that swarmed through the air like poison gas. 

Tony remained standing in the doorway. He had to fight the overwhelming urge to wrap his arms around Steve’s strong shoulders and comfort the man, to tell him that everything would be okay, eventually. But he waited, patiently. He knew Steve needed this time, to cry and mourn, to let reality sink in. To accept the death of the man that should never have been his boyfriend. 

And Tony would grand him that time. 

The captain had been shouting his lungs out, crying every tear he could shed for at least an hour before falling completely silent. His face buried in the soldier’s neck, his clothes drained with fluids leaking from the corpse. 

Tony took his first step as the last of fireworks illuminated the dark skies outside, wondering how Steve could be this close to the pile of rotting flesh without vomiting. He sat down on his knees next to the blond, feeling the cold liquids soak into his suit pants. It did not matter though, he would just throw the suit away after this. He looked at his hands which he had folded and placed on his lap, his eyes darting from his fingers to Steve, who seemed frozen like a statue. 

‘I was only thinking of you,’ Tony’s voice was strong in his certainty. He knew he committed a crime, but he also knew it was for a greater cause. 

Steve did not respond, nor did he move. 

‘I lied to you, but,’ Tony continued distantly, ‘I only did it for you. For us.’ 

Nothing. 

‘Steve…?’ Tony raised a hand, wanting to place it on the blond’s shoulder, but retrieved it for a feeling he could not grasp unnerved his body. ‘Sweetheart, please,’ he started to sound desperate, ‘please talk to me.’ 

‘You did this,’ Three words that had struggled their way out of Steve’s clenched throat echoed through the air. 

Not knowing what he could say or do right now to twist this turn of events to his favor, Tony gave an almost imperceptible nod. ‘Like I said, he tried to take you away from me… It had to be done, Steve.’ 

‘Why, Tony…?’ Steve’s voice was but a mere whisper, small from crying and hoarse from screaming. Broken with ungraspable grief. ‘Why murder?’ 

‘Because there was no other way,’ Tony looked at the captain, his eyes pleading for the blond to understand. To acknowledge that he was, indeed, in his right to carry out this heinous act. 

A silence fell between the two as Steve still had his face buried in what was left of his boyfriend’s neck. 

Tony sighed irritably, his patience running low as the stench was slowly suffocating him. He placed one hand on Steve’s back, the other on his arm. ‘Now, honey, I think it’s time to let go,’ he whispered caringly, though his fingers started to dig into Steve’s skin as the captain did not move a single muscle, the one gauntlet on the playboy’s hand pressing cold against the blond’s arm. 

‘Steve, come on, love, let go,’ Tony tried again, his agitation now clearly ringing in his voice as he tried to move the captain’s with more force.

Steve still remained frozen. 

‘Steve, listen to me,’ Tony raised his voice as he now violently pulled on Steve’s shoulder, trying to get the man to look at him. ‘I tried, okay?!’ he shouted, hearing only a chocked-up sob as his response. ‘I tried to make you see what a fucked-up bastard he was! But you still kept clinging onto him like a small child! If you would have just broke up with him like you were supposed to than none of this would have happened. It is all your fucking fault, Steve! You left me no other option!’ 

Tony gritted his teeth in frustration, his grip only growing stronger as he felt the captain’s muscles twitch under his touch.

‘…My…?’ Steve asked quietly, lifting his head slightly, though still not looking at the man at his side. ‘M-my… f-’

‘Yes. It’s all _your_ fault,’ Tony confirmed impassively. ‘If you would have just broken up like you were supposed to, if you were not so unbearably naïve, then Barnes would have still been alive.’ He squinted his eyes, his voice calm and steady as he continued, ‘Bucky’s blood is on _your_ hands, Steve. He had to die because of you.’ He closed in on the captain, his lips nearly brushing over his helix as he breathed, ‘You drove me to this. It is all _your_ fault.’ 

The elbow that flew straight against Tony’s chest send the man flying from Steve’s side. The playboy fell hard on his back and let out a sharp wheeze as he felt like all air just got knocked out of his lungs. He managed to lean on his side, gasping, his eyes falling upon a man he hardly recognized anymore. 

Steve’s light-grey suit was now pitch-black, drenched in the soaking remains of his lover. The pale skin of his face covered with dead skin tissue, bright-red blood still dripping from his temple, nose and mouth. 

The blond glared at him, his once so kind and soft eyes now raging with insatiable hatred. His warm and loving voice overshadowed with grief, ‘You are a monster, Tony.’ His breathing became ragged, chest heaving as utter helplessness tore his soul apart.

‘Steve, I know you are upset,’ Tony stated sympathetically, crawling back slowly as the captain started to walk towards him. ‘but you have to listen, you have to understand that this is for the best.’ 

‘Stop talking,’ The blond threatened, his cold eyes gleaming in moonlight. 

‘I did this for you,’ Tony continued nonetheless, panic shining through in his voice. ‘He didn’t deserve you, Rogers!’

‘Stop it.’ 

‘He would ruin your life! Just like he has ruined mine!’ Tony backed away further, gulping as the blond was now hovering over him. ‘He-’

‘I SAID STOP!’ 

Steve grabbed the man by his color and roughly pulled him to his feet. He saw how fear struck Tony’s eyes the second Steve raised his fist into the air and swung it down, punching the playboy in his gut.

Tony wheezed, his world spinning. He then glared at the captain, clenching his teeth and readying his gauntlet for firing.

But Steve was faster. His rage sending an indestructible power through his body as he threw the playboy against the opposite wall, ‘HOW COULD YOU?!’ he shouted, the wall underneath his fist crumbling as Tony barely managed to dodge another punch. ‘You were my friend, Tony! I trusted you!’ tears were streaming down the captain’s face as he grabbed the playboy’s wrist, throwing him to the ground with such ferocity that the man let out a sharp cry in pain. 

‘You still can! I will help you, if you would just calm down-’ Tony stopped midsentence to dodge another fist, ‘Damn it, don’t make me hurt you, Rogers! 

Steve straddled Tony’s lap, his soulless eyes peering down at him, ‘There is no way you could hurt me any more than you already have.’ 

Tony stared back, shock leaving him breathless. His eyes finally meeting those of the captain before receiving a punch in his face.

Steve screamed, landing one blow after another, only managing to stop himself as the man underneath him hardly responded. 

Tony slowly blinked his eyes, his vision blurry, his consciousness fading. 

The blond panted heavily as he looked down. His mind blank. The throbbing pain in his jaw and temple returning now that the boost of adrenaline has started to run out. 

He managed to turn his head and looked at the rotting corpse of the person he loved so dearly. He stood up, slowly, his feet unsteady. 

He let himself fall to his knees at the soldier’s side, his voice hardly recognizable. ‘I’m so sorry, Bucky…’ he whispered softly, ‘I’m so, so sorry, for everything.’ He tried to lift his boyfriend’s body in his arms. A sharp and pained sob following as the man was literally slipping through his fingers. Tears were stinging in his eyes, his heart torn, slowly, excruciatingly. His hands trembling as the soldier’s cold flesh crawled underneath his fingernails. The tears that flooded his eyes now streamed down his face. He hardly breathed, his mind abandoning him. 

Just when Steve was about to lose his last shred of sanity, a last and lonely firework illuminated the dark skies outside. He did not look up, nor did he hear the detonation. However, as the red light softly brightened the room, Steve’s eye got caught by a metal object that reflected in the darkness. 

Bucky’s mechanical arm. Untouched and scatheless. 

Hardly daring to move, Steve grabbed the arm, holding it in his hands for a few seconds before lowering his head to rest against it. 

‘Steve.’ 

A violent shiver ran down the captain’s spine as he heard Tony’s voice echoing behind him, his eyes forming a deadly glare. 

Tony continued calmly as he looked at the captain’s back, ‘I’ve given this some thought and-’ 

‘I’m leaving, Tony.’ 

The playboy fell silent. 

‘I never want to see you again,’ the blond continued, sitting up straight as he stared at the wall in front of him, Bucky’s arm clasped in his cold hands. ‘I’ll never come back.’ 

‘… I see.’ Tony’s words were calm, not a single hint of emotion shining through.

Steve knew he should have frowned at that, but he just could not bring himself to care. He could not bring himself to try and understand what Tony was going through. No, he was done. He just could not care, anymore. 

‘I thought you would say something like that,’ Tony continued, now walking closer to the captain. ‘but like I said, I can’t live without you, cap. I can’t let you go.’ A silence followed in which Steve still did not look at him. Tony opened his mouth again, the words that came out radiating a hint of hope, ‘we could still try.’ 

‘The only thing I am willing to try,’ Steve started, his voice trembling in a mixture of rage, grief and utter indifference, ‘is to not kill you.’ 

‘…Very well,’ Tony nodded slowly. ‘Then you leave me no choice,’ a sigh leaving his lips. ‘I’m sorry I have to do this, Rogers, I really didn’t want to hurt you.’

Steve felt a cold object colliding with his already damaged temple before he could even look up. He felt his warmth seep from his body. His last breath heavy before his world turned completely dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it for this chapter guys, final chapter will be uploaded in two days (or maybe tomorrow if I can finish it sooner)
> 
> There's one more thing I would like to share. For this chapter, I had to study the decomposing progress of the human body, I actually watched "The fascinating process of human decomposition" on youtube... and for some reason I felt both disgusted and intrigued... Anyway, if there is anyone out there reading this fic and thinking "now this shit ain't right" please let me know! 
> 
> Also, this is the first time ever for me to write a fight, so i'm a little insecure and will welcome each and every feedback on that part! 
> 
> I really hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. See you all in two days :D


	16. And they lived…

Birds chirping. 

A faint warmth hitting his skin. 

A soft blanket covering his body. 

The smell of… flowers? Hyacinth. 

Steve regained consciousness, slowly. 

He laid on his back, breathing softly. 

What happened? 

Why was it so dark?

He held his breath as he faintly heard footsteps in the distance. They were coming closer, stopping not far away from him.

Steve heard a door opening.

‘You’re finally awake,’ a voice sounded, happy and relieved.

The blond’s blood froze, a cold sweat covering his trembling body, ‘T-Tony…?’

‘Bingo,’ The playboy chuckled. ‘Not that I’m surprised, I already assumed you would figure out right away. You just know me so well, Rogers.’ 

Steve nearly jumped out of his skin as he felt a weight pressing down on the matrass next to him. His heart racing as he smelled… bacon? And something else… eggs. 

‘I figured you might be hungry, so I brought you some breakfast,’ Tony said, the sound of cutlery against a ceramic plate filling the air. ‘Say aaah,’ he spoke as if talking to a child, the smell of bacon coming closer. 

‘Tony,’ Steve’s breathing quickened as he tried to keep his voice from breaking. ‘Where are we? What happened? Why is it so dark in here?’ 

‘Oh, yeah, thanks for the reminder,’ Tony sounded merely, exited even. ‘Let’s see now.’ 

Steve felt the weight shifting on the mattress and flinched as the playboy’s fingers brushed against his face. Tony removed something. A blindfold? Steve had not even noticed wearing one. 

‘You know,’ Tony sounded pleased, ‘those wounds are actually looking really good, Rogers. Must be that serum running through your veins, don’t you think?’ he smiled. ‘Oh, that reminds me, how’s your jaw doing, sweetheart?’ 

The blond panicked, taking ragged breaths as he felt a nauseating fear stir in his core. ‘Tony, I- I still can’t-’ 

‘-See?’ Tony guessed as if it was a game. ‘Well, of course not. How did you expect to see without eyes?’

Steve’s held his breath as he tried to contemplate the playboy’s words, ‘w-without…?’ 

‘Yeah, I guess I owe you an explanation, huh?’ Tony sighed. ‘You see, Rogers, when you told me you wanted to leave me, that you would never come back… Well, I just knew I had to do something.’ His voice was changing, it sounded less joyful, less kind. ‘I knocked you unconscious and dragged you to your room. At first, I really feared that I hit you too hard, but then again, like the great Captain America could be killed that easily, am I right?’ He chuckled, though the sound slowly died as Steve remained silent, to horrified to utter a single syllable. ‘Anyway, as you were out cold, I bathed you for hours to get that awful dead-stench from your body, dressed you in a fresh set of clothes and, well, took care of you. I really thought things would work out again, eventually. That was until you opened your eyes for the first time and looked at me.’ 

Steve felt Tony’s hand gently wrap itself around his own, their fingers intertwining as the blond was too shocked to protest. 

‘You probably don’t even remember but… They were so cold, Steve,’ Tony whispered, his other hand amiably moving through the captain’s blond locks. ‘Your eyes, they were so… distant, so not like you. It was when I stared into those soulless husks that I realized what our relationship needed.’ He pressed his smiling lips against those of the blond, gifting him with a tender kiss. ‘I needed that cold gaze gone, and you, well, you just needed to trust me, blindly.’ He smiled again as he pressed his body against Steve’s and nuzzled his face into the blond’s neck, ‘both metaphorically and literally.’ 

‘…No,’ Steve whispered underneath his breath, panic washing over him as he tried to move his hands and noticed that he was tied to the bed with cuffs. ‘No, no, no, no,’ he felt his tears immediately run down his temple, his world spinning as he frantically squirmed in his bed. ‘Tony,’ he called the man’s name between desperate sobs. ‘Tony, please, just… please,’ he pleaded, though he did not even know what he was pleading for. 

‘Almost forgot, I also brought the newspaper,’ Tony continued casually, ignoring Steve’s cries. He grabbed the paper and started to browse through the sports section. ‘Hey, looks like your baseball team played a good game yesterday, isn’t that great?’ 

‘Tony!’ the captain shouted desperately, ‘Tony! Please, please let me go! What did you do to Bucky?! Why-’ Steve was abruptly hushed as he felt the weight next to him shift and straddling him just below his waist, a pair of soft lips now pressing against his own. 

‘Don’t worry, Rogers,’ he whispered kindly, his hands softly cupping the blond’s cheeks. ‘I know you are scared but I will take care of you, sweetheart. It’ll all be okay.’

‘W-what did you do to-’

‘I’m warning you, Steve,’ The playboy’s voice was still gentle, ‘I don’t ever want to hear that name again.’

The captain balled up his trembling hands, uttering the question again as he refused to let Tony take away that last shred of freedom he still had. ‘What did you do to Bucky?!’

The warm hands that were resting so peacefully on Steve’s cheeks slowly moved down. They stopped at his neck, fingers wrapping around his soft skin like crawling spiders. ‘I don’t ever want to hear that name, Steve.’ Tony sounded gentle, love still flowing through every word. ‘Do you understand, darling?’

Steve gasped for air as he felt the playboy’s thumbs pressing down on his windpipe. He struggled against the restraints, nearly tearing the skin on his wrists and ankles as he tried to pull himself free. He jolted his hips in frantic movements, hoping to throw the playboy out of balance, but as Tony’s hands only tightened around his throat, the captain eventually nodded. His lungs now burning with lack of oxygen.

‘Great,’ Tony said cheerily as he removed his hands, relishing the feeling of the blond squirming underneath him, bucking his hips slightly against Steve’s as the man coughed heavily. ‘You know,’ he continued as he looked outside through the window. ‘according to the weather forecast, it should be a really sunny day tomorrow.’ He placed his hands on the captain’s cheeks again, ‘Maybe, if you promise to behave, I’ll take you outside for a few minutes. Get some sun on that pale skin of yours.’ He pressed his lips against the captain’s, his tong thrusting in without obstruction. He purred softly, playfully biting down on Steve’s bottom lip before pulling away. ‘God, I wanted to do that for so long.’

‘Tony…’ Steve sounded unstable, his voice trembling as it barely made it past his throat, ‘please, please I beg you… let me go.’

‘Say that you love me, Steve.’

‘Let me go, please.’

‘Say it.’

‘Tony…’ 

The playboy grabbed the knife of Steve’s plate, placing the cold metal against the blond’s wrist. ‘I don’t want to hurt you, Steve,’ he pressed the metal into the blond’s skin, shivering in delight at the captain’s startled gasp. ‘But I will if I have to.’ 

‘I-’ Steve entire body was shaking, whispering the words so softly Tony could hardly hear them, ‘I l-love you.’

The genuine smile that formed on the playboy’s list could almost be described as child-like. ‘I know, sweety,’ he closed in on the captain’s wrist, licking up the drop of blood that had trailed down pale skin. ‘I know you love me.’ He let his hands trail over the blond’s chest, eventually wrapping them around his neck as he pressed their body’s together. ‘From now on, we will be together forever, Rogers,’ He pressed his smiling lips against the Captain’s ear, softly biting into the flesh before whispering in a dark tone. ‘You are mine now.’

~FIN~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it for the final chapter (for real this time XD)  
> Okay, so I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I hope you enjoyed this fic in general.  
> I guess, in some sort of twisted way, you could say that this has a HappyEnding... for Tony at least... Sorta... Right?   
> Well anyway, I want to thank you all so so so so much for reading this fic, for all your comments, subscriptions and kudos, it really, REALLY warms my heart and gave me a lot of confidence to continue writing :D 
> 
> Next project will either be a FrostLord story (Loki and Peter Quill) or a story following young Hela, Thor and Loki... I'm not quite sure which to start on first... Anyway!   
> Thank you again so so much and I hope you will continue to have a marvelous day!
> 
> With lots of love,  
> MissBoaBoa  
> Netherlands


End file.
